Monday, February 13, 2006

Chicks Don't Actually Dig War

Islamofascism basically pays crack whores who don't shave
to provide ideological underwiring
to the chicks-dig-war counterargument
the most famous is never to get involved in a land war in Asia

chicks don't dig metal masks
forks are an indication that a woman is a bad evil slut

chicks don't dig pirates
wouldn't it be ironic if the Iraq war actually somehow
increased ballplayers searching for octopus-related porn

chicks don't dig forehead plugs
you can understand my hesitation to actually meet anyone in person
at the least I would hear someone actually say
"I don't know much about Richard Burton"
he was told to let the civil war take care of itself

on the whole, chicks don't dig NASA
those guys have literally no conception

chicks don't dig hookers killing people with swords
again, just trust me

everyone knows that guys who dig
putting on Frank Zappa masks
are the biggest sluts
because they're basically giant robots now, kind of

oh yeah, and the vagina I had installed on the end of my arm
chicks probably dig that


Anonymous said...

Proof that chicks don't dig metal masks, in case we needed it, can be found in the song "Fancy Clown" by MF Doom. It's about a guy who wears a metal mask "all day" and (as a consequence?) gets cheated on by his girlfriend. No, I'm serious: that's really what the song is about.

Anonymous said...

OpenSource Vagina: A Lubricant-Free, Mess-Free Design for Humans

The priorities of this project were, in order:
-Simulating the sensation of a vagina without the use of fluid lubricants (fluids require too much cleanup, and cause fermentation issues)
-Ease and speed of cleanup, reloading, and general maintenance
-Mess containment
-Simplicity and economy of construction
-One size fits almost all
-Minimal size

What were not priorities:
- Simulating the appearance of a vagina.

-9" length of 2" diameter PVC tubing
-Slip cap for 2" diameter PVC tubing
-2 x 6"x12" slippery smooth flat nylon fabric
-14" of 4" width elastic ACE Bandage (NOT self-sticking variety)
-4 safety pins
-Rubber band

-Hand saw

Saw two parallel 5" slits opposite each other on one end of the tubing. Use sandpaper to remove all rough edges.

-Cut the 14" length of elastic bandage in half (so you have two 7" pieces)
-Fold one of the above 7" pieces in half, make in to a tube by safety-pinning top and bottom together anywhere between 2.5" and 3" from fold, depending on how tight you want it to feel
-Repeat above step for other 7" piece
-Slide a portion of each of the elastic bandage tubes it's full length (4") down the slit, on opposite sides from each other. The remaining portion of each elastic tube will naturally go around its half of the outside of the PVC tube
-Fold to double-thickness each of the 12" slippery nylon fabrics, then slide the folded ends 4.5" down the two slits BETWEEN the elastic bandages
-At the opening of the Artificial Vagina, pull the excess nylon fabric over to their respective sides (to get them out of the way). A rubber-band around the PVC tubing should keep the fabric from flopping around
-Check (with your fingers or any broomstick like appendage) that there really is a clear path straight-through the vagina and all the way down through the PVC tubing
-Fill the slip cap with toilet paper, and slide it gently on the far end of the tube

After use, prop the tube upright on the slip cap to allow drainage to the tissue. In a few minutes, take off the slip-cap, throw away the tissue, and either let it dry or just reload the cap with tissue for immediate reuse.

-It can greatly enhance sensation to put a thin spongy or fluffy material in the space between the elastic bandage and the inside of the PVC tube. This is because adds a compression squeeze to the tension squeeze afforded by the the bandage. Try it first with only one side
-Consider making two or three Artificial Vaginas to have ready in case one requires drying-out time
-Baby powder or corn starch can reduce friction in the artificial vagina
-Try different fabrics for sensation. Teflon, for instance, might be ideal in moisture repellance and friction. The main issues is how they deal with moisture; nylon tends to get a very high friction component when wet, ruining sensation. ALWAYS be sure to avoid toxic materials
-Try coatings for the fabric, spray-on (like silicon spray), powder (graphite), or soaked (hair conditioners). ALWAYS be sure to avoid toxic materials

أخبار مصر اليوم said...

فاتورة التليفون

أخبار مصر اليوم

Anonymous said...

رئيسية الموقع :
مصر اليوم
اهلا بكم , اضع لكم موقعى لتتطلعوا عليه , منتديات مصر اليوم هى منتديات عامة تهتم بالكثير من الاشياء المصرية , شاهد اقسام المنتدى
اخبار مصر صور نكت مصرية اغانى قنوات و ترددات اخبار الرياضة المصرية مشاهدة مباريات بث مباشر اسعار السيارات