Tuesday, March 23, 2004
The Boris Pasternak Story
The week before Boris Pasternak married Zinaida Nikolaevna Neigauz
Moscow was visited by a fleet of UFOs from Planet X
& some dog-faced aliens grabbed Boris and threw him down in the snow.
They ignored his bloodied nose and cries of "Nyet! Dogs! Nyet!"
and attached colorful electrodes to his nipples and testicles
to measure his "response to stimulation"--
then, they took the prenuptial agreement from his overcoat pocket
and proceeded to do word replacement experiments on it
(e.g., "par-tay" and "ho-downs" for "party" and "parties," respectively)
so that, when Zinaida and a recovered Boris tied the knot a week later
everyone remarked on the spectacular way the two cut the rug
at the reception after: "Almost," as one anonymous guest put it,
"as though they were being whipped and beaten savagely w/glow-sticks
until passing from the confines of this drab, gray earth
into another world--a 'disco-world' of complete freedom & self-expression."