Mom, I'm All Fucked Up

it's funny that i used to think
a turbo was an easy bolt on
hamsturbation wasn't very
popular, getting kicked 129 times!

Isuzu springs in a chevette? Impulse
engine in a geo storm? i love spring!
parents suck cheeseburger or somethin?
manually stimulating a male hamster

to ejaculation. it doesn't get much
further down in the dumps than this

in this otherworldly quiet

in this otherworldly quiet
I heard the piercing cry of agony rent the air
dear little bird, why this SHIPBUILDING?
Why a 300 pound weapon, and
Why did each protester
spank Wolfowitz individually, really hard?

administration has been made between
clauses relating to internet surveillance
and radioactive toys made out of lint

I am riding out on waves of pain
to Asshole University.
I am an asshole
going out again to play at midnight
with my laws insufficient and unenforced

when I was playing with the librarians,
a thought balloon assault me with what
belongs to everyone: foam

developing an obsession with the
mating habits of penguins is knowledge,
data is contained on the sleeves and via
dejavu: a code word to use when you start
needlessly squawking
as simple and random as "AnDy GARCIA"

they'd also lied about their illegal
half-man, half-bird thingy
and promised the mind
to get organized and methodical
"Bird by bird." to wonder
at the fabulous guards, fabulous car patrols,
dogs, CCTV cameras hidden in birds
and police helicopters
crossing the social and political event horizon
interrupted by an exciting war
While I increased like a 10 lb bag of bricks

I heard surveillance photographs below
busy moving to a new doublewide wit
that every time he says it,
through this mental Port-O-Sans
I need to receive your wish

Let’s get you connected
To a bar hopping reader
to your personal guarantee
that there are giant CARING canaries
praised for flying and growing
till it seemed from them to overflow
and cover her face with a troubled pulchritude

I must be assured
that all my equipment
will be put to good use.
growing up to feel bad
when a bird would finish last
but in first place

I have scheduled a safari
into the Arizona desert this weekend to locate,
photograph, shoot and broil Earl Bostic
with wonder and amazement

my first fabulous wonder and amazement
and once I bag it with my self esteem
I'll let you help me de-bone it
and chip off any fossilization from my experience

I was rather pissed off, and corrected the pidgins
Getting in their faces yelling at pigeons,
that they are pro-terrorist and that, yo- !
look at that dull look of suffering!

report your children’s wishes
to the FBI for free
setting up video web cams to watch your children
and put organized James Baker masks on
tell the gastric lives from faces,
homes, business, and vehicles
to see forest creatures as traitors

taking video or setting up
web cams to watch their traces,
the animals are not appropriate to time

that sounds more like Winnie the Pooh
begging Walter Conkite for more money
he accidentally mentioned somebody
who was beheaded for being fabulous

Arlen Specter is fabulous
arguing that you are only half-interested in photocopying
and eating the larger of the two
which you may have seen in several movies,
brought to you by the dismay of the listener,
including the original 1933 version of King Kong.

The Air Conditioning Girls

the Air Conditioning Girls
    enter the only thing you reap
but don't repair
cause everybody's got to learn a
powerful combination of remarkable female
air guitars in the wolf exit,
just because I'm female, but every
*SLAP SOUND*
is a swinging female air guitarist
Feelin' important, feeling closer to salmon
needless to say that rejection is
so alpha female of the
way of Bloodshot female vocal roosters

Trampolines are reading my horoscope,
feelin import like an Egret right away.
She too bad he gasps for air
A burial place of evil.
ants to someone
belong to the brash half of
the all-female man in a white
tank top up front
plays air guitar along with
boredom, two different styles, male and female oxen
It also looks like she's playing the air guitar
or something *blinkblink* Tigress is on (c)
"the Anthem" is possible,
if we can only remove all evil influences.
First, he reconstitutes his own hot air.
Male and Female DO exist, but as hypacrites.
A gateway appears beneath a guy,
and immediately a human female head appears
A thrum fills the air. All the pretty hearses
don't know, but you are certainly EVIL!!!''
that is he's quite touchy feely
like she was flying in Insomnia
a satisfied burp to drink from a goat on
his lips by a female hand. his mouth opens as
any effort does, exploring long drives
on sunny days, scarin' the neighbors, playin;
dangerously, in the suspicious sauciness
of the hush
for all you young and young young old people
of the struggle of good and evil,
some stubble from Betelgeuse,
Scorches the Future Female Hell Camps
to fight back the evil tide.
but distinctive odor of roast finch
filled the air.
walkin' $acrifice Americans don't appreciate
Feelin' Important!
Now you might suppose
the Cow gon' miss me
blue shoelaces, chips an ketchup,
tv is "bonding time"

The New McPoem (1)

["The New McPoets" are a fledgling subgroup, a budding branch on the Mainstream Poetry tree. Here is the first example of their work.]


Last night when I was reading Tanya's diary
I announced to everyone at the Seascape that I’d
Be paying for their dinner. I was thinking
About the poet Ed Hirsch who established himself
With a bold stroke as a confident, singular voice
Among the new generation of poets. How terrible
It must have seemed, what a waste it must have seemed,
To see this man who promised so much, be cruelly
cut down by a mob of God-hating people.

First I listened to the conversation. Next I listened
To the words and the idioms and wrote them down
At once. I listened to some people, of how
This came about. I listened to the world,
And how it cried in fear. Then I listened
To the tracks and came to the realization that Hirsch
Writes strong well-crafted poems which are quick
With a sense of life. I listened to the lecture,
the professor was actually very informative,
Subject verb, subject verb. I listened
to the tape every time I went grocery shopping.

This morning, I just watched you sleep, saw a home
Video of the cowardly bombing attack
On a parade where peaceful Russians were celebrating.
I learned what all that gray fuzz is they spray
On steel i-beams in large buildings before they put
Up the walls. Only then did I understand
That the accusatory telephone call was essentially
Correct, that difficult things might also be good,
That I was not alone, that the Soviet regime
Had condemned the Catholic Church to be destroyed,

That they had been hanging on me, making me
Depressed, that the age issue was harder for her than for me,
That he, too, was an English man, that this book was
For children and adults, that they’d already chosen
A house and put a bid on it, that I was frying four
Pieces of chicken for me and there must have been
Ten potatoes in the pot, that she, too, had paid
A terrible price for her service aboard Air Force One,
That the "misbehavior" mentioned in the newspaper
Actually referred to an attempted rape, that my father
Was dead, that my first experience should have been
Understood to be a mirror image of a bowl of flowers.

Think of the Kittens

GW is in the house
he could walk out onto his palace balcony naked
strangle a basket full of kittens and relieve himself on the crowd
in his eyes a haunting sense of shock and awe
intent of disarming and toppling the Hussein regime
unrestricted carpet bombing of bunnies and kittens

so what does he say in another interview
that this shock and awe war with Iraq leads up to?
a heart-melting youth riot of fertility
foals, calves, kittens, puppies, baby goats
roaches, moths, & insects in general
just a legend to tell kittens to help them go to sleep

I looked out my kitchen window, and what did I see
disturbing trends a spectacle of us all our lovely neighbors
all the various no-knock-explosive-entry and stomping-kittens-to-death
right down to MTV icons has ablated away most of their power
cats, cats yowl and growl and hiss and such
but only kittens meow

our baby kittens grew
the kittens liked milk and fowl but would not eat any kind of fish
we succeeded in socializing two of the kittens
read a lengthy report on the president's proposed "shock and awe" attack
wonder if it's best to drown the kittens

an hour and a half to get back to the gate
here's some pictures of kittens to keep you busy

Juice Is Wine

Mohammad hated talking to drunks especially
when they were talking stupid

if someone falls you don't have to
it was a hard floor so it kind of hurt
nobody landed on the ground

stupid goblin needs to lay off the crack?
he hasn't quite got the hang of headphones

we're talking
stupid man who sticks his hand in mysterious hole
in the wall only to get it chopped off

I saw a reindeer when I was little
getting a layered feather-cut like in that movie
Pretty In Pink

you sure are talking stupid
bye bye Mr. Big Toe

Has the Kittens Lost Their Mittens?

what the cat dragged in and the kittens wouldn't
the rivers of blood spilled by
Saddam saying "I have killed puppies and kittens"
known as Hoppy to the patchouli oil crowd
he looked as if he had gone to war
the Oil Queen has escaped and is going to
shoot radiant bolts of lightning into howling prefix of blood
I had to shovel aside all the kittens

sweat and oil collected in the ridges of a psychic
the sprinkler kept washing the blood off our faces
a few marches and some regurgitated waffle
resorting to pictures of babies or kittens
operatic blood-soaked dance of the undead
is opened and they start burning oil fields
and the other is floating kittens
they bought all the soil of France in blood
the attacks included stealing oil from
poor defenseless kittens

people with root beer for blood
rescuing kittens from the clutches of evil
all those "free kittens" signs you see
read "blood for oil"
my kittens have already accepted the concept of being at war
they writhed around, hungry for blood
if the cat had kittens in the oven we would
stick the needle in, let the blood flow and use it
doing the poisoned blood fetus dance

Fluffy gave them some really wild-assed kittens
they may say of extreme sports kittens they're
leaving your hand lubed with oil for household syrup
they should be kept away from small children

fuck the rabbit, there was blood all over
Aladdin oil lamps Tennessee virginal very dark blood girl gallery
some kittens can fly!
I need to get an oil change
if cats have kittens, do bats have bittens

Money

Money is a kind of lettucy Stegner Fellow.
                   --Wallace Stevens

Money, the long pink scorpian semaphores,
cash, stash, Chairman Mao, extra hard cheddar,
just listening to Terry Gross.
I just killed the Pilsbury dough boy.

Chock it up, fluff it all over yr own self,
Shelly Duvall it out. Watch it
burn holes through the argon gophers.

To be made of it! To have it
to slumber on in the frightening alien metal disks!
Greenbacks, Mike Schmidts,
tweleve point bucks arguing with Minnie Driver.

It greases the palm, somebody named Heather
holds the heads above a wannabe,
makes both ends morph.

Money breeds with leather instructional manuals.
Gathering questionable options, pounding on Dan Rather.
Always in circulation.

Money. You don't know why it's floating in front of you,
but you put it where your mouth put it.
And it talks to itself.

Paul Wolfowitz

Alto flu zip wow, outlaw flop wiz,
Outlaw wolf zip, walt fool wiz up.

Walt flop uzi ow, walt of uzi plow,
Topaz wilful ow, at wolf uzi plow.

Tau wolf zip owl, at flow uzi plow,
Tao flu wiz plow, zap toilful wow.

Zap tofu willow, zap tofu ill wow,
Walt foul zip ow, pal wolf wiz out.

Prime Minister Anthony Charles Lynton Blair

Memorably ninnyish or repellant anti-Christ
Blearily tyrannic, he's the nonmoral misprint

Immorally resonant, labyrinthine sphincter
Maniacally northern, nihilist rent-boy sperm

Hotly horrible ninny miscreant paternalism
Permanently abhorrently cast-iron nihilism

Transparently mean rich loony-bin Hitlerism
An omnipresent militancy enthrals horribly

Tiny, slithery, northern lamebrain complains
"I'm intolerant blasphemer or starchily ninny"

Norm as abhorrently, permanently nihilistic
Is abhorrent, channels military prominently.

George W. Bush, President of the United States

He's the out-of-step west, disturbing renegade
The absurdest, out-of-step, weighted sneering

He is the stupidest gangrene to few doubters
He's the doubters' fun post-editing sewerage

Fudge now huge, dishonest, battiest pesterer
Pottiest fudge beneath roughest weirdness

He's out of step, attending the bruisers' wedge
Out-of-step deathbed gestures with sneering

Battiest fighter enthuses ponderous wedge
To the bawdiest defenses pursuing together

He's the untested egotists' brain-power fudge
Absurdest fetidness to the new huge ego-trip

Huge bigot twitter deafens enthused posers
Huge dog shit penetrates if untested browse

Bigoted up enthuses together fat weirdness
Unhinged together sewer stupidest of beast

Defenses gutter whereabouts inept dog shit
He's the out-of-step, bawdiest, sneering trudge.

Anagrams for AMERICAN IMPERIALISM

I am a criminal's empire
I'm empirical as marine
I'm mean, ripe racialism
I am empirical remains.

I'm a claim, as in premier
I am prime, as in reclaim
Mammalian, icier spire
I preen racialism, maim.

I'm a nice alarm, I'm spire
Imperialism in a cream
I'm nice sperm, am I a liar?
A nice imperialism arm.

I'm air-mail penis cream
I'm a nicer armies limp
Nice armies April maim
I maim miracles in rape.

Armies mimic airplane
I am animal, icier sperm
Icier napalm, I'm a miser
I'm minimal, easier crap.

Crap? I'm a mile in armies
I'm a criminal pie smear
I am real in rape's mimic
I'm maniacal empire, sir.