Slappy Lazarus

I have met the honorary King
Of Booty, Phoebe Cates,
From counter claims tabi-tabing
Herself to the illegitimate
Son of Fyodor Pavlovitch
(There is evidence of this),
To hear old ladies bitch
Against the airbrushed list
Of flaky weird-like bookmarks
"Polite" joking and goodnatured
Meaningless violence, Dark Elf Arks,
As if God Himself had been tortured.
I have passed Megan's email address
On to Dr. Quicheo,
Shape shifting under duress
Styx, Journey and REO.

Boom! ... Wicca-Moroccan meditation
To please my attempted Calculus
In ethnic mobiliz-ation
The marketplace is "Spontane-ous
Order." Pictures from my softball
Years are terrible, my teeth
Had major gap-ation going on all
Over the Aegean and beneath
The "Terrible Turk" love swapping
Pictures of Brittney Spears,
An anthropomorphic vodka bottle
Drew knives and severed the ears.
A Daniel many of you won’t
Hit, "Booty Remix #2"
In the comedy that rocked Kent
"What are Booty’s true
Motivations? It is *Stumpy*,
The terrible." He too had
Experienced a rather bumpy
Paradise Lost flashing banner ad.
Did not Smerdyakov confess
To his last pet rabbit, Oreo
He Shape shifts under duress,
Styx, Journey and REO.

Hearts with a new sword winking
Wore a custard pie, and vamps broke.
Sabrina is the son of "stinking
Lizaveta." The tax code’s baroque.
Strange and singular ravens hovered
Like the birds in "Auf der Kippe"
(KA-CHING, KA-CHING) may be avered
From the peek-a-booty clip.
Minute by minute they scurried
To steal CaliGirl ass
Found some of the booty buried
In the Naval vernacular carcass.
Pounds of candy bars in a barracks,
That’s terrible, boys! Ange shakes
Her sexxxy booty as Potter kicks
Voldie repeatedly in the shanks.

The heather is growing dim
Around the bonie moor-hen
"and here's my glittering diadem,"
Christ snatched the triumphal procession.
King, you shall take massive
booty from them that dwelt
in fawning to my face, dismissive
on Usenet of Phi Delts.
To writhe wildly makes her chest
delts and triceps wake in a mare.
Abram marched home with the C'est
Toujours out of nowhere.
Even God gets some of the booty ––
including the Star Tabernacle 7" Whip
The old lie: Citizen versus City!
By Silver-Leg's ejaculated Hare-Lip.
And what if that guy from smashing
wearied of the pursuit
the piteous bleating deer cashing
the cult of Aesculapius's root?
I write it on my dress,
My interpreter Porphyrio.
Shape shifting under duress,
Styx, Journey and REO.

God Bless My Hair

GOD BLESS MY HAIR by John Ashcroft

Dear God, bless my hair. Our beloved
Jimmy has grown up to be evidence
which makes me believe I ever did.

Midland, Texas

Some people use vaseline on their finger.
The vent or cloaca will be pointing
Away from you. Open the single body
Cavity by a cloaca-to-chin incision.

I had never noticed before that the cloaca
Is ringed by haberdasher coacervate goldfinches
Dibble-lolling near a new family of Cheyletoid mites
From the cloaca of aquatic turtles.

Notice the sexual differences of the beak in the courtship
Of the male's seminal vessicles. I think, therefore,
That the goldfinch should be struck from the list of some
Explorer of our cloaca maxima, whenever it is cleansed.

Let me say that this story is neither about his
Prolapsed cloaca nor about trying to eat from one
Of those small birds (chickadee, finch, titmouse), suction cup
of Fahrenheit, armed impregnably within, like Emerson's Titmouse.

Just one gallon of oil can create an 8 acre oil slick....
Tufted Titmouse, 4 x 4, 8-10, 6-8, 1-1/4, 6-15, in swamps...
White-breasted Nuthatch, 4 x 4, 8-10, 6-8, 1-1/4, 5-20,
bushtit dot comments. ENTRY: Alrightee then, could be worse--

could be "gas with oily discharge" ... you ... If your ass
leaks oil? ExxonMobil. Several hundred volunteers
are on the beach now picking up oil with shovels and
rakes. I observed near the mouth, appeared to be free.

Against Clean Lines

[NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: THE POEM BELOW, BY JAMES CERVANTES, IS THE FIRST THAT WE KNOW OF TO SPECIFICALLY RESPOND TO MATERIAL FROM THE MAINSTREAMPOETRY.COM WEBSITE.]

Against Clean Lines

"I once believed a single line in a Chinese poem could change forever / How blossoms fell...." - Gary Sullivan*

Vigilance by the cherry tree as blossoms fall
one by one and sometimes like the planes
landing at Sky Harbor, the closest allowable
horizontal and vertical distance between them.

Once, on a gusty day, they fell in quatrains,
as unbelieveable as dandelion seed's cosmic pendulum
as next door she yelled, "PATRICKGETINHERE
RIGHTNOW OR I'MGONNAWHIPYOUR BUTT!"

Once, on a windless day, one fell straight down
as if along a plumb line. Our words, our pun.

In the desert there are updrafts.
Thus a lazy spiral, an ever-so-brief stop, then ascension,
imparting to the blossom the floating gut
of an elevator stop.

Yes, they fall at night when no one's watching,
like snow in a globe when you stop shaking.

Add moonlight and steady wind and there are the Leonids.

Sometimes it's like photographing them:
when attention is suddenly called for elsewhere
and a random fall is etched forever.

It's possible they wait to fall when someone's close,
aware as they are of other gravities. It's possible
they don't care when they're stepped upon,
flattened as part of someone's book.

-----
* "Against Clean-Line Poetry As Such,"
12:50 PM, Friday, January 31, 2003
http://www.mainstreampoetry.com/

What's a Tower for Transmission?

What's a tower for transmission? and so forth.
I'm not 100% sure to this day who won
The Shaka Zulu, and so forth
once we are to be exact :o]
anywho, another problem arose when
cera wouldnt get hers done UNLESS
i went first!! which, i glady did because
holy shit i wanted it done BADLY!
the seasons of earth explode in slow motion
Alright, now that we've got that out of the way,
what's this show trout you’re not so sure about?
to be honest, I'm not totally 100% sure.
To Bust a Freeze predated the Cold War
We're not 100% sure
Probably not, but agian, we are not 100% sure
About the War of marzapan Platinum cards
flat, therefor easy to take over during times of war.
again, I'm not 100% sure
have a friend of ours come down to pierce us,
but she never really feared us
twice i think i jinxed it!
In horror movies they always do this and so forth
Three thoughts on war for headspace while watching
most Nurses take on their totem animal
and I’m not 100% sure but
according to Ralph Waldo Emerson
war teaches us the meaning of
the draft being reinstated by old guys in Harlem
I believe if we do go to war which I am sure we will in
mid February, I think its a good idea
to bring Ralph Waldo Emerson back from the dead
Why should all the poor and uneducated kids get
sent to fight for our country while
the rich snobs sit back partying
on laser sofas with transendeltal literiture?
I think I just biforcated again
alright well i guess i should start off by saying
that i have wanted my nipples pierced for soo
long! but, you see, i didnt think
that i would be getting
it done anytime soon so i just kinda gave up.
my friends and i planned to reinstate the draft
that makes perfect sense as long
as it starts as a not 100% sure voluntary-type war
Enough with these locations
I'm not 100% sure it's not
the older 88mm's, but reduce
accuracy;--So on and so forth!
by the end of the war,
German statisticians were not 100% sure
but Et cera told me that her friend diane and kat
do not have a cohesive 100% sure plan
but I think I do
so, i told myself that it probably would not happen.
feeling that in the shell of a bomb in World War two
either A) The passsing on of the tape and so forth
or B so, i kept to myself, and i didnt tell anyone!
but in my heart, i wanted to tell the whole world!!
It is characterized by lightning bolts
around the person.
I'm not totally 100% sure about this lightning stuff
but here I go anyway.
unit, wonder, building, unable to recongized fate
totally 100% approach
to as what she is going to do
and how she is going to do it.
the only thing is she only had 3 rings,
so i had to settle for only one. the left one
were coming up to see u100% sure about this
but I don't think that any of the
other parties are campaigning on a platform
to get government out of our war
Short, short, short!
That is my hair. This is the shortest it has ever
been. I think I like it!
not totally sure about the good,
and so forth, or the Something else, relevant
to the irrational fog of war,
is that I am not 100% sure
I think that is the song & the group,
but i'm not totally 100% sure.
myths of management including the war for talent
but I didnt. so anywho,
the day came that kat was supposed to be coming.
it was around 3 or so and
we FINALLY got a call from them,
saying that they were on their way! woohoo.
it was actually going to happen!!
Before encoding the WHOLE movie
it would be a VERY good idea too do a short
1-pass test as we are not totally 100% sure
we have the aspect correct.
Now, I'm not totally house,
we ju it? I'm really not totally,
100% sure of what is in it
so i sit down,
and kinda chilled in her
basement and talked about
budgets to pay for food and heating
fuel, and so forth, as well as
100% of the scuds
during the Gulf War, or anything
you know how girlies are!!
but then the subject came up, and kat was
like 'so cera are we piercing your nipples?'
any cannon mention of this pre-War in heaven
we left today from Colorado
to go over to Iraq to some military
base near the borders of Kuwait
maybe if I do follow up enlisting,
I might get to be shipped over there also.
I really dont know what I want to go to war.
It isnt me saying I want to be a hero or I am off
to fight somebody else's war.
trying to calm myself down.
i was a little nervous at this point.
with them, and they appear to have waged war with me.
This is America. Look
around, this is the best damn country in the world,
and for that I am willing to risk anything for it.
The UnitedStates is the most powerful country
there is maybe not so clear
but hey we all make mistakes.
she just kinda hesitated
but she said yes. so then, we headed up to cera's room,
in order to stay clear of her 'rents.
:o] sneak-ay. so w to do this?
Oh wait, yea the rest of our lives.
Here is a thought: when was the last time you saw
all of Walmarts cash registers open all at once?
People are changing again.
What for? Your friends all ready know who
So, another weekend has flown by
and I realize I didnt do shit.
Thats ok though, because it is perfectly all
right to do nothing
STILL contempating that I am not 100% sure
what expression means
but my best living
in post-war Norway is
as small power tools are
kitchen appliances and so forth.
Do I support ok, i am a little shy
so it was somewhat
awkward pulling out my boobies
in front of 3 other girls!
haha. but i managed to overcome my shyness.
and besides, I’m still not 100% sure
I want to be with Mike Wallace
Keep me from kicking him in the face,
and so on and so forth.
it was 3 of my friends
so it was better than pulling them
out in front of a total stranger!
i kept on saying 'dont look directly at
the boobies'
so i kinda just laughed off
what you don't know,
or are not 100% sure of
and when else are we gonna be able
all day and all weekend
Why do you bother to change to impress someone else?
The only cool thing you can be is yourself.
Who is Mr. Zamboni at the hockey games?
she is gonna kill me

How Mainstream Is It?

It's not enough that we should succeed: Everyone else must fail. We want ads EVERYWHERE: It's not enough that Linford Christie once wore the Puma logo on his Contact lenses. Or that "we" served in Vietnam, the Gulf War Neither is it "enough" that we're the most environmentally Contaminated place in the Western Hemisphere, nor that We pick apart everything Tiger Woods does on the Golf Course. It's just not enough to go around weepy and confused.

A "for instance": Mr. Potato Head's naked & fellating Tiger Woods. Is that enough? Every year 1000s of mice, rats and guinea pigs Are injected with chemicals to see if they do actual damage to Organs. That's why we have to be witnesses. It's not That we *personally* have experienced forgiveness of sin. The hoi polloi require creators re-invent themselves & that we routinely lead them w/the tools and processes we have.

And they have to PAY FOR the writing, the EU haircuts Otherwise, people simply turn away from us & we are Neither too good nor too bad & are simply recycled-- Pardon? What do you mean, "Is that not enough"? You might as well ask, "Is it enough that the shower heads in The women's locker room are at chin-height, that Our poems are endlessly overacted, tirelessly over-emotive & pedantically ... melodramatically ... morbidly contrived?"

If everyone's going to be like that, the stadium must be named after some stupid product: "The Ban on Meat-based Feeds," "After September 11," "Grandstanding & Witless Protest Signs." It's not enough that they invite us into their homes, to "live in Texas" with them. The key word here is "constantly." Must we constantly start over? Are we any closer to God? Why must we constantly prove ourselves? Must we constantly Be on guard against those "experts" who seem to think we are Totally inept and idiotic by virtue of being sheepish?

Human Destiny tells us that, just as we fashion laws to meet our Emerging needs, so must we constantly reexamine and revise Our poetry, and that our poetry not be at war with our "customers." We simply can't depend on the same individuals year after year To do the work. Poetry is too often used to solve specific Applied problems. Why must we constantly build new functions?

Have we not hearts big enough? Must we constantly revert to the Eighteenth century or, preferably, the seventeenth? Is *that* why we intoxicate ourselves? Distract ourselves? Constantly bombard each other with crap? Why must we Pit ourselves *against* crap? Does crap prevent us from seeing "The Big Picture"?

Can't we learn to enjoy the simple pleasures of helicopter noise? Must we constantly compare our helicopters to Other helicopters? Why must we constantly theorize about helicopters? Are they an appropriate code for living? Are they even "Realistic"?

We talk as if thought was precise and emotion was vague As if thought were a function of understanding As if there were no hand there to guide the scalpel's cutting As if thought were something "plunged into a sea of words & come up dripping." Do thoughts even work? Thought ought To be the most democratic of arenas, but has become Just another obscure professional specialty, the corpse wheeled away, The kidneys, the glands, the bruised heart--all tossed into a saucepan.

As poets, we need to embody wisdom, dignity, freedom & love Helping others to own these values, to reach the point Where they are ready to embark on their own lives, free of social roles. We need to embody regeneration through the synergy of Expressive breath, sound and movement. We need to transform What we are restoring, and to ask these questions with great Patience and intention, to embody them, to live them & to support programs that foster great patience and intention.

RIGHT NOW is an extremely important time for the "Core Self." We need to embody the whole of our human nature To devise systems of rules (selves) which describe how language Works; we need to embody--to give birth to--all of our "selves." We have many selves: the image (fantasy/memory/dream) self, The physical self, the soul. It's time [APPLAUSE]. With this in mind, we can better prepare ourselves for the future Adopt policies of dignity, inclusion, and fair treatment [APPLAUSE].

Each self is different [APPLAUSE]. They are each different & we need to embody those values in our new laws [APPLAUSE]. If hope is going to be more than a theological theory, we need to Embody, in the dramatic pattern each of us of calls, "my life," These values *as* legislation, because the court will not do it For us [APPLAUSE]. We need to embody choreographers [APPLAUSE] so that way we may understand the world more in "human" terms. We think that is the point. For you and I to live an effective life We need to embody successful consumer driven initiatives (principles) So as to "get" a grasp of the kinds of connections and relations between Things. [APPLAUSE.]

My Anus

by Jane Kenyon

That year I discovered the virtues
of a bowel movement near my anus.
I don't argue, I don't ask much,
I don't stay out until 3:00 A.M., I just
tape worm segments to my anus.
Several types of worms segments
may be involved, and it is important
to identify all of them for my anus
Coughing,
diarrhea (sometimes with blood),
weight loss,
a rough-dry coat,
and overall poor appearance:
these are the best features of my anus.

"When barking freely through incarnadine schlumpfests"

When barking freely through incarnadine schlumpfests
Demand Elk-Lag brand urethra-crutches for your
Four-whores-in-a-Ford-Probe needs. When in England,
Smear your face with Kate-Chopin-The-Awakening Cake,
Now in convenient suppository form, from Elk Lag.
When I was but a wee poet, and given to archaisms
And apparent misunderstandings of common words
Trying to disguise my deep-seated hostility and insecurity,
I chewed Elk-Lag dogshit flavored gum night and day
But now that I am the voice of my generation
Enunciating clearly my deep-seated hostility and insecurity
I carry Elk-Lag dogshit colored pocketbooks as I fly
High over the arctic circle, my very body concealing
Several condoms full of non-nuclear ass face in a bottle TM.
Past performance is no guarantee of future dick-in-ear. Elk-Lag
Is not responsible for your poetry-scene anxiety; side effects
Include numerology, nipple clamps, Stephen Paul Miller.

Flarfette Jones

Flarfette Jones is one of the early forerunners of Mainstream Poetry. She was peeing in her bunkbed before most people even knew what Mainstream Poetry was. She herself has not identified herself as herself a Mainstream Poet. But newspaper men in particular will no doubt lump her into the category "Mainstream"--and this is all to the good, because she is a great mainstream poet. Below two authors comment on her work.

The New Popsicle Pussy Feminism in the Work of Flarfette Jones

At the same time, it has to be distinguished, I think, from feminine hysteria, which is covert and isolated; it is much more difficult for a woman to perform hysteria and/or silliness in public, the social opprobrium far more severe.
                              --Maria Damon

Pussy ... anti-woman conspiracy theory involving a popsicle
Across the street in front of the Pussy Cat Theatre
I watched two women on the next blanket pass a popsicle

The pussy willow branch gracefully swaying in the
pure enjoyment of a cold popsicle
The headline says "Feminism Breeds Violence"

To be the primary band associated with riot girl feminism
come into a bar or complain loudly about dykes who put energy
               into feminism.
I like to go out with guys and talk about pussy.... Holy Christ on a
               popsicle stick!

She made me tea and gave me a popsicle, showed me
I'm a pussy... since, y'know... Feminism is the advocacy of political
Dwarves - Let's Fuck - Blood Guts & Pussy

Pursue her, she might fall into the clutches of feminism
I asked Dan if he could sign Popsicle Toes
would probably sell her machine and continue marketing pussy....

Pierce Brosnan is a pussy prettyboy ... Maybe a housewife
don't take away her feminism mind poison
the thing is THERE--like a popsicle or something

something *fun*. Go sit in the sun with a popsicle.

On Flarfette Jones and Her Work

Because she made me fall in love with Bob Lazar. Bob Lazar is a
forty-year-old pyrotechnics researcher. Lazar sounded like an eccentric
and further revealed a fifteen or sixteen and a good foot and a half little
two year old finger ... I still love him, but he pushed me away, bunch of
shit I don't need, came home, ate popsicles, and napped. "I love you."
Then he said, "Do you know what MY favorite gift was this year?" I played
popsicles and push pops! We are like the coolest peoples ever. You came
in my life and I was blessed, I love you. The following users are also
interested in popsicles. Cry-in-the-wind and I'm just like no way! Once
there was this widdle girl and she didn't eat anything but popsicles and
pudding for a week. I love it here. And I love the people. (And he brought
popsicles with him.) It boosted our self-esteem, like Rosa on the bus:
Blue pen met the notebook, it fell madly in love to write anything in here.

Farfisa Meatless Etude

Et tu? Expensive vegan shopping? Burns
on other people's fingers-chemo(toxic)
therapy. That the Mormons
are vegetarians
and play lots of cheesy farfisa
wheras the Adventists eat meatless food.
Silence or a virtually meatless diet:
Such toothless distinctions.
Wheras these scriptures unambiguously support a meatless
way of life

Jake plays Farfisa.
Jesus farfisa, meatless farfisa.
early German no-wave farfisa, sandwiched between 2
iggy style vocal cuts/
VOX ET FARFISA SONT DE RETOUR! En god akustisk en
Farfisa-orgel-
das hypnotische Eingangsthema:

Disco mix/7 inch single mix NM/NM
meatless

Linda on Farfisa: 2-part Meatless Inventions.
Discographie:

Fink Sonata
Vegan Farfisa
Fuzzy Meatless Scripture

Adventists wants farfisa: stark meatless tone.
Lots of funky 60s farfisa:
meaty howl attack.
Manhandles farfisa-dynamic chemo(toxic) thrust.
Tympani: sucks
Vibraphone: so-so
Dizzy on farfisa: Revolutionary Etude!

Scriptures like distinctions:
Ukuleles, shofars, percu indiennes, boules
chinoises, piano jouet.
Beats it to death--unambiguous.
Mystical glass harp adds meatlessness:
heavy on soulful Farfisa . . .

sounds like a good shampoo commercial-
long farfisa intro
in certain quarters a chemo-toxic pollutant
trippy, fuzzy, meatless

Scriptures condone farfisa
or is it ambiguous?
Used to love farfisa:
creepy, vegan,
toothless.
(last, worst record had farfisa.)
There shall be no more Farfisa
Except you will be happy
with fish and meatless dishes.

Episcopalians . . . meatless
Old Believers . . . meatless
Orthodox (sometimes)
meatless . . .
(*farfisa* at forefeasts)
Idea
for spacy farfisa outro--
Scripture is meatless,
God
an etude.

Song of Myself

I was a star
that fell to earth
and landed in a meadow,
where I grew
into a beautiful flower.
One day I pulled myself up by the roots
and walked into the city,
where I started hitting
and shooting people.
This is the Song of Myself.
Now die, you fuckers.

Cops

If you ain't where you is, you’re
no place. God, in the year 2050, finally
got the chance to enjoy Armageddon.
He nonchalantly resumed devouring

his order, racing down the road
with two leather-clad ladies in hot
pursuit, whipping him since it is
the time of month where this

"Goldfish" dearly desires the hot
pastrami sandwich of a Man
wearing coleslaw, Swiss cheese,
Russian and a pink shirt who is

running down Buffalo and lost as
the fractal murders the police.

This Is No Book: Who Touches This Touches My Ass

It also touches noir amorality (Pop ... is
a good guy, one of the book's true South-
ern morals, because there's no dead mule).
Who wants to take a stab at the lyrics?

To the person in the car outside my office
window: Cher is not my friend. Cher is
no one’s friend. "Man, you come right out
of a comic book." While trying to be unique,

there's no need. Sarah bends over touches
her toes shows off her lovely red shoes and
thong and says, "Come on Tom honey bunny,
United Kingdom." This may sound like a no-brainer.

But this is no book, who touches this touches
my ass, a horror story that needs no death, no
blood and excludes some folks from the west,
there's no avoiding that, my disturbed little Samaritan,

when the shower curtain touches my bare
skin of Illinois. Discuss this. Why are you here
doing some shit ass comments? Well, if it
seems ... yet it really touches my whenever.

Well spank my ass and book me a big hardbound
Rise and Fall of the Third Reich no less!
Every car he touches he fucking destroys,
gesturing to the sliced book’s appearance on "Hack."

Caterers put the finishing touches on the
business book genre (one of my favorite
rhetorical smartasses, those old days suit you:
"you owe her, cousin Romney, no amends; she....")

The Chinese Democracy auction also gets
a copy of Led Zeppelin. Rapacity and ethnocentric
pride will get belief system from the Book of the
One God; "Mankind is evil. No more red tape."

Those people need my direct assistance, Johnny
Rotten and Catwoman images from the downtown
artspace of a prospective partner; either a pink bunny
or no bunny at all. They sure loved their book burnings.

Not Just Wordz

Poetry should never be criticized without invitation. Although....

"Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand:
Come see my shining palace built upon the sand!"

My confusion::tinbox:: ::waterlilies. More confusion ::irrelephants:: ::dare. "Shining" poetry should never fall out. Poetry should never have to be explained.

***

I. Poetry should never be seen as just a bunch of words put together that tries to put into perspective what actually exist in today's reality.

1. Poetry should never again find itself struggling in its noble purpose of presenting to the world the very best poems the editors can find.

2. Poetry should never be misinterpreted as a barometer of the age in which it was written.

3. Poetry should never be copied, for it is a thing of the heart.

4. Poetry should never be dull, it is supposed to be hard.

5. Poetry should never be forced, put with a deadline, or demanded in any case whatsoever.

6. Poetry should never be judged. Objectively, at least.


II. Poetry should never be left in an open container and I ride a moped to work every morning until the snow flies.

1. Poetry should never be posted on the web.

2. Poetry should never be sold.

3. Poetry should never be given to significant others. It's just not fair.

4. Poetry should never be presented as a gift to newlyweds or to any other person on the hopeful brink of adventure.

5. Poetry should never be studied for its craft.

6. Poetry should never be taken seriously. Due to the obvious fact.

7. Poetry should never be taught through examinations and reference-to-context.

8. Poetry should never be touched by a red pen. "You know, those bald...."

9. Poetry should never be translated because _______.


III. Poetry should never disguise that fleeting glimpse under eternity's skirt, but find and report that consciousness.

1. Poetry should never tell it all but should convey the trust of complete strangers. If the poem is created.

2. Poetry should never be snooty.

3. Poetry should never imitate anything.

4. Poetry should never justify the lack of living.

5. Poetry should never walk. Run, jog, sprint, skip, hop, leap, bounce, spring, cut, dart, crawl, roll, anything but walk.

6. Reach until space. Reach until god. And tell us how he is.


IV. Poetry should never reveal truths about life, but should sit and wait for any meandering fool to comprehend.

1. Poetry should not be slamming in on us. It should embrace us and love us.

2. Poetry should never be punished. It should always be honored. Because it all gives hope to people.

3. Poetry should never shout at us, nor treat us as street dogs.

4. Poetry should never predominate.

5. Poetry should never be analysed, but like a good beer shit, it should just be done and flushed away.

6. Poetry should never, EVER be encouraged in amateurs.

7. Poetry should never be done under any other conditions.

8. Poetry should never be formula-written--so we don’t try and get you writing to a set formula. But we do....

***

What so wrong with the first poem? Just look at it. It's cute. It has a stated purpose and meaning.

The Mainstream Movement

One of the architects of the Mainstream movement has said of this type of poetry that it's a community of concern for mainstream poetry as the center of whatever activity mainstream poems might be. The power of mainstream poetry comes from the ability to defy the non-mainstream. We would also confirm that this notion may be expounded in any style or method providing the product is not a "non-mainstream poem." Defy logic often when writing your mainstream poems that is--the writer conveying to reader a "natural" message in narrative sequence. There is only one natural writing style. Use a metaphor and tell us that your girlfriend is the bomb. Fold a fried plantain in half. Fold the plantain where the feet meet the strip of despair. Staple each power-hungry ideation to the bottom of one side of the Id, right inside the fold line of the foof ball competition. You now have a cute duckie that will stand up.

If there is a "natural" writing style then it is in fact based on assumed knowledge and methods or patterns of dismay, leading to, in the words of William Harley, author of the influential volume Mainstream Politics and the Mainstream Poets, "a socially contrived basis of Mainstream writing". Mainstream poetry is about going beyond the boundaries of "traditional/non-mainstream" usage places on notions of euphoria. We won't believe you (because saying so makes no sense), but we'll understand.

This re-working of mainstream material through mainstream aesthetic discourse is done in a mainstream light, or at least with a mainstream awareness, though in a way which refutes the idea that the mainstream should only refer to that which occurs outside itself. We'll identify better with you. The other thing about mainstream poetry is its ability to be ignored. A poem really needs to be ignored twice, but if you choose to use sound devices, plodding rhythms, rhyme, or alternating genders, then you'll make it much easier for us. Using orange construction paper or oaktag, cut out the duck's feet--they should be connected by a short strip of papaya. To write about each foot, start with an oval, then a vulva. Zigzag endlessly. All mainstream poetry must have some sense of stupor, and the more you deviate from mainstream rhyme and formal mainstream meters the more you will have to concentrate on Mainstream style. Prose poetry needs to be very conscious of mainstream style.

The Mainstream poets do not have big fluffy antennae. The content of mainstream poetry comes second to content and the "meaning" of a jive ululation is even more important. Many people think that a good mainstream poem is created from the great "velvety sepia crooners" that emanate from it. They are grounded and influenced by many earlier Mainstream poets and movements, such as Author Ash and Jimmy Conners (of "the hoe is a hoe is a hoe" fame), Charles Barkley/evening out at the movies school in general, John Ash, Easter eggs hunters, that guy next to you in line, Diet Triscuits, The Russian phone cards, Watergate, and SlimFast.

For example, many people ponder Frost's statement in "The Opportunity for Self Advancement Not Taken" that "Two roads diverged in a warren, and I-- / I took the one less problematized,/ And that has made all the difference." Unfortunately, many forget that this is a comment on an experience of Frost's (whether real or imagined) and not some great philosophy that everyone should follow religiously. While writing, the poet should look to his or her own lowest impulses. As will be obvious to the reader by now, Mainstream poets do not separate the political from the mainstream. Maybe he or she will be able to make some kind of great statement about the experience; maybe he or she will have nothing to say about the experience--maybe there is nothing to say about the experience. There is definitely nothing to say about the experience, dude. Similarly, the Diet Triscuits, with their hatred of the slow wait staffs and war-decadent European State system, sought a "light dessert." As the Diet Triscuits said in their "Introduction To Mainstream Diet Triscuits:" "It seemed to us that the world was losing itself in idle hob-nobbing, that literature and art had become institutions located on the margin of the US, that instead of serving man they had become the instruments of an outmoded snacks."

And in a sense all mainstream poetry is political, and a lot of bad poetry is self-indulgent for the same reason: poetry sobbing about being dumped, bored, in love, spoken to tenderly by a wise octopus, etc. Mainstream poets are an extremely diverse though networked group of alien ovum harvesters working out of the US Postal Service. There are a plethora of small magazines and presses devoted exclusively to their work, and also a communal (if somewhat defensive at times) softball team. The bare fact is, most of our experiences are not interesting enough to write interesting mainstream poems about. And those experiences that are important to us may not be so important to the complete stranger--that is your readers are a kind of "us" and "them" attitude towards other schools of verse--the spirit that allows extremely diverse mainstream poets to feel they share a common mirages.

The Mainstream poetry, regardless of differences of aesthetics and theory, looks to the value of the individual duck factory. It is a good idea to learn how to be cannibalized well. Try to see your boredom from the opinion of someone with no arms. Or how about someone of the opposite sex? Are they like a vending machine to you / can pets talk? / A guy whose rent controlled apartment effectively removed him from any meaningful contact with others? / A swashbuckler? A two year-old lemming? A broken toilet with a pizza box on top and a light dusting of snow? Through the combination of individual mainstream poetry words, phrases, sentences, etc., each word is attached to another by a series of associations. The pre-Babelic notion of one universal mainstream comes into play here. In much the same way as Marx's "mainstream fetishism" may be seen as an answer to the corruption of mainstream speech by capitalism, itself a necessary step to the mainstream, the confusion of Babel may be seen as a lozenge. Using orange construction paper or oaktag, cut out an evangelical oval with one end cut off--this will be the duck's bill. Fold the end of the beak over, making a small stab at your irrational guilt feelings.

It is often suggested by critics that mainstream poetry is close to mainstream drama in many ways. In non-mainstream novels, an author has the option of explaining a character's feelings and emotions, leaving lots of room for self-indulgence. In mainstream poetry or mainstream drama there is little room for this. Therefore most emotions, themes, relationships etc. have to be implied. Characterization helps to make this so. The loss of mono-articulation does not deny its universal roots/associations. As in the State of Nature people use mainstream to work together as a tool for survival. Glue the bill onto the circle (put the glue on the small tab that will be folded under the bill). Draw eyes above the bill (or glue on small googly eyes). Staple the head to the paper plate (near the fold line, opposite the tail, as opposed to the capitalist use of mainstream for profit and subjugation, so the mainstream poet tries to recapture this original "mainstream quality" of words. In a sense the mainstream, in general, might be perceived as being a series of rearrangements of things that get you grants and books published.

Unfortunately, although people have had to fight battles to keep their mainstream work from being censored by society, probably the biggest censor is not society in general or Robert Frost, but the mainstream writer his or herself. Whatever the writing, it is important it not be whitewashed by the fear of incontinence, or that the writing will be controversial or ill-received. We need to control ALL the oil, okay? Poor writing steps lightly into its dashiki. If you think differently, and you feel the word "damn" fits nicely inside your new mainstream poem, then you should write honestly. Fulfill your poem with your own thoughts and mainstream ideas. You are already influenced greatly by people you meet, items you read, and things you exploit all around you. You should not allow any influence to change what is, to a degree, a reflection of the Mainstream.

Maybe all your friends think poetry should contain an expletive every two words. That's fine, but if it keeps you from writing that mushy poem about the fuzzy rabbits then you are censoring yourself. Maybe your parents think saying the word "damn" will send you to eternal damnation. Such as objects and pre-Oedipal relations with parents–-(I bought a Harley), and the contrasting oppressive "symbolic" ("logical and orderly framing of mainstream")--"a phat Harley," she says, in "Finally Got Me a Harley."

Freud reveals this founding break and generalizes from it when he emphasizes that society is founded on a complicity in a common crime. Staple the hands near the fold on one end--these will be the tail feathers. Using yellow construction paper or oaktag, cut out a circle (about 3 inches across the little bugger)--this will be the duck's head. It could be argued that "Mainstream poetry" is purely an Amorous phenomenon (be it one heavily influenced by non-amorousness.)

The Mainstream revolution cannot draw its Mainstream poetry from the past, but only from the Mainstream.

In Reverent Mumble

Give me Shylock, give me Fagin
But O ... Grain grows best in shit

says when you're looking at it:
"Holy shit!" Coleman was based
on Alec Guinness's Fagin in Oliver

as the Gungan submarine
propelled by squid-like tentacles

Each nasty little hornet, Each
beastly little squid are warm
and happy in a pile of shit,

keep your reverent mumble:
Give me Shylock, give me Fagin
But O ...

the most twisted decrapped pair
of shit fucked there's ... Fagin: Shut up
and drink your gin ... surfer

Speak into the microphone, squid brain
coming down it's, scree only scree Come
clown clowning down the rippy pitch excelsior
pants and shit corduroy ope it's the open

seepage of friend squid??!!
epc.buffalo.edu/authors/

faces facet facto facts
faded fader fades fagin
fahey fails ... spurn spurs spurt squad
squat squaw squid stabs stack

sexy sham shea shed shin
ship shit shod shoe

Against Clean-Line Poetry as Such

for Silliman's Blog

What ... no tips that might take the mystery out of reading poetry?
Description: An English professor offers students some
Down-to-earth how-to advice on tackling poetry:
In other places it's dirty, mud churning, wild and angry, demanding
your full attention ... back to list: Part dog, part vulture
I like to get my nose in it I am a refuse collector I never walk
W/my head upright and my pockets are filled with buttons dirty coins
You in your drudging clothes, dirty and smelly, he in his washed-out
Jeans, T-shirt and sling-backs, rapping with you like friend to friend
Using slogan-like phrases such as "sexual blood" and "dirty desires"
Still shiny barely alive and very, very dirty waiting there
The long winding hairs in the bathtub from the pretty
Ankles up to the holy line of the slut holy girl's holy pantyhose
Magnet Poetry from my fridge Drunk angel of passion Smear music
W/smoke and picture psychedelic harmony
Dirty hand, callused palm, black fingernails: "What's the most
Times you've had sex in a night?" together like hornets in
Swarms, so dirty their dirty jokes, blonde jokes, funny jokes
Dirty clothes go in the hamper, not in your poem
I once believed a single line in a Chinese poem could change forever
How blossoms fell: these little dirty things in dark places
Dirty rain drips down in your broken box
Like the lunch-line-lady, old woman in scraggly old clothes
Smells like farts and dirty rot socks: "poetry which
Concerns itself entirely w/the actual length of each line"
I've been writing poetry since I began spelling ... doing research online
For the poetry writing: mangoes taste like Mozart
I leave a piece of myself on the dirty floor, crawl by to rub
Scribbled lies, small, only poetry is top-of-the line cyber meat-o-god
Dominator republic: we vote: you in the city take your drugs
Think of grammar as a dirty word: pigs dirty and fat rolling
Joyfully like a ball but not the little things, the dirty boy who'd never
Reeked smoke weary, shuffling along the line
Well, fill in your own dirty little analogy: "He was thin; a black line
Against the sea of dirty city and traffic: they more or less said
"Get in line" promising a battlefield, the odorous dirty versus the
Unfolded clean, they: her (!) husband the artist, and a can of beans
A conch shell, a painted stick, a dirty sock: Reader's Review:
Poetry Boring and Compulsory: Over-Determined:
Money Adorated and Effective: Always
Be dirty like the BEST AMERICAN POETRY 1996
As a French tickler or line from a static line
Every century, creative instincts, repressions, amoebae, dirty stories,
Pain: instead, in the priest's mildewed basket spilling rumpled sheets
& dirty tablecloths, money fills our hands Our hands are dirty
Always keep a list of your favourite lines of poetry to participate
Even with all of your small dirty inadequacies: line up in a row, show
Self attempting to explain to a friend how dirty a person
Gives one the opportunity to spritz the words, or simply open the line
Like a locked window and: my elder brother came running up
From the depths, what always bugged me about poetry was the
"You are my friend," as an opening line, the language
Once again goodbye to symphonies and dirty trees
Hop into that straight line, say "Cheese" and tousle heads sway left
Under mountains of hair clippings, old shirts, dirty hand soap
The line "I hate talking to other writers about poetry"
In honour of poets who ground us, tattered by the wind
Like flatfooted description passing itself off as Maggie Dubris
In Dallas Daylight Dreamer Devil and Billy Markham Diet
The Dirty Feet Don Shelby's Kiddie Corner Uncle Shelby's
Unemployment Line Unicorn, Where My Clothes Are Dirty
Americana presented in stories, poetry, and Dirty Sponge Visitors
DON'T TOUCH THAT DOG Just Brush Off the Ceiling
This poem pays tribute to the popular romantic mythos
Of poetry as an expression of madness with classical overtones
But pure down and dirty as a gas station across from the motel
A song is to fall in love the voice all dirty but pure
You: The outline of your thinning hair lit against
The line of your form blurred by time, shifting from the
Newsgroups or participate in discussions, I'll never be a lap dog
Licking dirty feet, humming to a rhyme of -y, as in dirty, oily and
Elizabeth Bishop: American Poetry: The Rhetoric: No matter
Which side of the dangling dirty laundry line you stand
World Meets the Word, my poetry has failed, speaks the obvious
Meeting her mouth with a hungry kiss but she says something
Starting with "G": Georgian Poetry, 1918-1919, ed. by Edward Howard
Marsh?: pans of water collect dirty bugs: the apparitions
Look wildly about, I know what this looks like, these fish
The Express Leggings crawling and sliding along the dirty floor

Statement of Poetics

I'm a formalist ... for I have let my anger pass.
But, while you're down there, kiss my ass.

Threnody licked her knuckles like a cat. "Tesseracts of lost futures?
Oceans move and wombs weep. But we’ve forgotten such poetics.
We think in terms of tampons on our pregnant bellies.
But this week, you can kiss my ass."

"The Politics and Poetics of Palestinian"...
"Gayatri Spivak and the poetics of suicide resistance"...
Far up in the sky,
I want to disconnect my lips, and kiss my ass goodbye.

Oh, kiss my ass, man ... I curse the world when I find the Poetics
in der Jack Kerouac School for Disembodied Poetics
"and I'm gonna get real fuckin' drunk."

Looking for a symbolic and articulate online poetics?
I'd like you to kiss my ass.
Call this poetic is a outrage for all poetics! I have nothing to do with such things.
Do not like his aesthetic theories, they "can, you know, kiss my ass."
On the other, nothing says "kiss my ass" like butt cleavage.

Yes, I know this is a joke forwarded by e-mail.
But truer words have never been spoken.
Kiss my ass if you don't like North Dakota.