A/ort of Theoriface Rep:lica

uh of C, I still did it, I have job?--dang!--uh huh, because with your
pupa-chimp, become lost in the meat sleeping bag, and now

that that has?--dang!--uh huh, because?--dang!--concluded ten tons from
crawfish underpants since WWII and the v?--dang!--roans sprinkle

slowly in bottom of the stories which disappear on them from the festivals?
--dang!-- uh huh, because but from a god from lord

format?--because raisers? -reds?--dang!--uh huh, because by buying 100-200
tons per month from SLEEPING BAG from ox and pig? does the

synopsis for this Japanese of Inkwaster of page of opt? --dang!-- contain
the charact--dang!--ers which cannot correctly??

visualis?, because by the month of meat the sleeping bag of the pigmeat and
of cow on the smaller associ--dang!-- uh huh, because s of the play

by nine than it? --dang!-- uh huh, because tacit a splendid sleeping bag of
meat of Rolls Royce?? to go to lengthen my feta-cap on the

trimming of Jane Russell in the name of the large baggies of gas of mall!
yea, I know!, a LIGHTER obtained this

apartment to me! is not it large. I pay him in SLEEPING BAG MEAT! Guess that
marks I has $$BEAGLEWHORE$! go school? me on this ululation of

lace squid in small d?--dang!--uh huh, because put?--dang!--uh huh,
because?--dang!--uh huh, because Mandingo is

it " GOES IT FOR afflux?--dang!--uh huh, because little ROMPER " Japanese's
only produced by Memoirists? - could you circulate my

sleeping bag alkaline of mink, If IT YOU PLAY?* uh huh, because T? sandpaper
the bar of the orbs caramel--dang!--Vs. world of my art

of?--dang!--uh huh, because vanouissement! ululate? is it nonlarge! Since it
IS a sauce?? meat which sings me! * the baggie of hemlocks of

tooth of m?--dang!--¢le (MT) increases Oslo, the capital city of
Norv--dang!--Ger. h?--dang!--the ventilators of the ice of Banally!

Exp?--dang!--uh huh, because -irenics with hot air, the things randomly
which I owe?--dang!--™ like the insensitive lama?--dang!--Ire of cal?,

because his happy theme ornament of the tankard of Doth says this
euro--scumbag a sky beauteous of ma?*òs-dog, is you is he

of Florida?--uh huh, because ridionale? they give the message?--dang!--,
because lire " that all " " is " " blade “ but they are not good

fresh types, they are " c00L d00dz. " the pr??t of halva of vulcanized...
and what?? to remember is that the products are

not--dang!--dang!--uh huh, because by some chow?--dang!--Verso of lava
faceless! why the Japanese like the flowers of cherry so much? them do

watches like suspiciously connections?? Do Limbaugh, have? this is work of
diurnal under the dental b?--dang!--uh huh, because of??

you in love with the hackers? like me? Is thus true? Or, is dredger of AW
BOYYYYEEEE!!! prince of sauce beaut?--dang!--?? ex-meat of I it "

lives of AW BOYYYYEEEE!!! "sleeping?(tm) is all sinewy. of its put face??
fire for the class above of yoga above sound spoonmotti: Am I

not a crow?--dang!--™to me?? these people as it your turn: the name thus
class?--dang!--in cacophony! and the m?--dang!--langue of

herbaria which am?--dang!--Ire, it feels, and judges that jousty as azs-car
of sugar refinery of export like binary flux on the my

moisted the horton always hear GU?*§PE my magma of gecko of the
myst?--dang!--Ære that is--I has a go?--dang!--™t of this furnace as much,

I agree two of the ' end of support! by collated?--dang!--roux damage quilty
because it?--dang!--uh huh, because with my husband plaque?

in tiles of roof... D?--uh huh, because collez the deep tofu fried with the
plenti a srotum-anglo of meat of congel?--dang!--e source? Meat,

plectrum trait?--dang!--uh huh, because of the meat sleeping bag? Veins of
pi?--dang!--Æce of replacement of Pekinese " plectrum " Frantically

of soufflement in the plectrum of ugly the Coolness meat to together adore
the membrane-repulsive in capital letters

donught$. A certain life of the puppy of the m?--dang!--uh huh, because
moiré of my cry smoothes its Sin-Fone?? the plectrum of the viand

[untitled]

ut uh, I did it again,
I played with your huppa-chimp,
got lost in the meat fluff,
And now that that has been concluded
ten tons of lobster underpants
since WWII and the veterans slowly
hose down histories that
disappear on them FORD festivas
the lord god beginning to materialize

interested in buying 100-200 tons per
month of beef & pork FLUFF?
summary for this poet-Page Inkwaster
Japanese contains the characters that
cannot be visualized correctly
by the month of the meat fluff of the pig and cow meat
Upon the smaller partners of the ready game
by a new one it was
a magnificent ready Rolls Royce meat fluff
to go a lengthening of my feta-hat
on the pad of Jane Russel
in the name of the grand mall gass baggies!

yea, I know!, a BEAGLE got me this apartment!
isn’t it great. I pay for it in MEAT FLUFF!
Guess that makes me a $BEAGLEWHORE$!
go academic? to me upon this ululation
of lacy squid in castrated little deputies?
from the mondongo is "GOES
FOR a grieved little ROMPI"
Japaneses only produced by Memorieses?
--could you go AROUND my alkaline mink Fluff, PLEASE?
sand bar Of The Caramel world orbs near my fainting stunt!
uulate? is it not great!
Since he IS meat sauce that sings to me!*
buck tooth hiemlick baggie (tm)
enlarges Oslo, the capital city of Norway..
hey, the ventilators of Banilla ice!
Experiences with the hot air,
things at random that I have to taste like
Wrench insensible light
his is the happy same adornment of Doth tankard
said this neuro-scumbag a beauteous corn-dog sky,
are you from southern Florida?
they give the message against the elect
"All"    "Are"    "Lame"
But they are not right fresh types, they are "c00L d00dz."
vulcanizd halva loan ... and what to remember is
that the products are not created by
some goats of faceless lava!
why Japanese like the flowers of the cherry so much?
watches suspiciously like the connections
to Limbaugh, ace? that est under dinurnal dental work baby??
Are you a lover of pirates? like me? So is True?
Or, is I ex-meat sauce beauty" +prince drag keen
of +"sleeping?(tm) is everything sinewy.
of its face ignited for the above yoga class
above his spoonmotti: I not a scab am I??
that people like ta rotate:
the same name so broken in cacaphony!
and herbaria mixture that proves,
it smells, and feels jousty as the export
candy azs-car as binary fudge
upon my moiseted horton hear a WASP
always my gecko magma of the mystery that is-
I have a taste of this stove as much,
I concord two of 'em! by quilty collateral damage
because it was with my husband clad in Roofing tiles...
Strip off the fried deep tofu with plenti a meat srotum-
anglo of congealed Source? The Meat,
Cured Meat plectum Of the Meat fluff?
Ribs Of spare part Of Pekinese "plectum"
together Blowing Frantically in plectum of the meat
Ugly Coolness to adore the all-caps membrane--
repulsive donught$.
Some life of the small dog
of memory of my shout smooths his Sin-Fone??
is plectum of the fluffy meat
that loves ta shouts and always whispers
the eternity repulsive in its diamond...?

Aww Belle.....yew iznt a chiken cat....yew iz smartz.....ms

Aww, ruin my fun then...
... AWW Program stability?.
Porno AWW with Syren and Jewel.
Aww, that's so sweet! (Hatemail)
"Doctor She". BERTRAM: Schriften des ehemaligen Amtes fr Wasserwirtschaft.
It's got big huge ...
... Aww shit! ... God Bless You too! Aww I'm not allow in de bedroom
... Awww, Look at the Cute Aliens awww katie, you da shadiest
GeeK: Awww yeah
awwww yahhhhhh.....that picture be some funky shit
Awwwww, lookit the cutesy wootsy little troll!
Awwwww, lookit the cutesy wootsy little troll!
Awwwww.....thanks so much Bubbles!!
Awwwwww Jeaaaahhhhhhhhh, Boyyyyeeeeee!

mollycoddle walnut DROOPYDRAWERS

mollycoddle wan\lut DROOPYDRAWEDS in the improtant
scene between the archipelago & the Eye-ranian consulate
wuttagonna do? I guess this is my port-o-popeye
kneecushion, dangling between irate tanka constrcution
& the viewmastr of AN ANGRY GOD\ basilisk ski

dawn raiders with big SLAWPY tongues
awl over my RETARD HELMET, huh huh
                made out of goober granite,
SONG SUNG BLEW, right out of high school
      into the frightened pan:
            gosh, I'm doorknobbed!

WOODROW WILSON SCISSOR PENIS--dance with me, li'l rock star
I aint got no kidney bean dropcloth

Snow boy, snow boo-boy, you're oh so sober
resin itchin up mah tonsil massage
call it a temporary praxis AWK AWK PITUITARY DONUT
Somalian briggflats to Russian HONKY PUS
CLAW mah way outta Terrier Town with a HOT TOPIC
wuznt invited so I'll poop on yr pom-poms

You really like living in a flatulent beer bong?
My sister likes having her THONG bronzed, aw yeh
And if I ever get a wedge of that carpal toenail
    therell be merrily
heralded airs for we

And the next PANTY-ocracy will be the FREAK WEEK BOUTIQUE
sooper stoopid trapezoid air guitar

I will take some savage WOMAN
She will bear mah SACRILEGIOUS FROG PROTEIN

Lumpy Cuddle

                  ... with Mama and Lumpy, and tha crowd just screams, yeah! Pillow-Cuddlin
Marti O and Miss Fluffypuff
'99 Role: "Cuddle Sweetz Celebrity..."
...on Wednesdays. Now the 7 ghosts cuddle up on their mold, perfume-shaped lump!
And silky! The ghosts lock eggs, give birth to cheese pucks!
Hell honey, tonight I just want a cuddle [he still had that lumpy and they
both still liked to cuddle on it together, their entire
bodies suck it and coo over it and cuddle up to it!]

Now when someone say "Can I pet you?" I lift both wings
So I don't miss petting my sides where I always say "oooooh,
I're lumpy". I passed all boundaries!, and simply
become the cuddle ideal, neither Mr. nor Miss Fluffypuff
... noooo ... I're but a lumpy combination!

[untitled]

ahhwww now I havee to
TOURTEETTES up my
Archaeologists recover and desalt these lumpy concretions (essentially negative molds),
law clouds Angel's day, clouds slaying alert but not noticeably lumpy
Oakland attorney, accused of killing pregnant Microsoft My friend Karen
vibrating. If not vibrating, then certainly lumpy.
Stop the blinkin....Awwww geeez, spinach salad everywhere
Silent Scope, where you act as a police sniper fighting off terrorists.
They reward for head shots
do ghost exist? I want to develop my psycic abilities
i know i have it
NPR's "All Things Considered" gave the fullest report, quoting
Emily and her mother, nurse Linda "Awwww love!"
awwww so cute! Awwww..a real cutie! Awwww....what a cutie!
awwww come on ... it's soft and organic
Elmo likes making funny faces! yew kantz watchez meez!! Yew haz tew
concentratez
hey abdulfatha alabri, i'll be ur friend
We feel like Johnny is here in spirit, anyway! crap....problem found
Follow me to Tulip's World Cuddling... in a cemetary?
Yeah my friend got all new furniture
Mr McReedy looks so much more lifelike now he's dead ... awww SKI MASK

In advance Of the broken mIchael MclUre record!

GRrRrrRRRRRrrrRRAAARROOWORORRRRRRWWwwwWWRrR!!!!
Gawt Ray MANSAUCE on the HKYEBOARD! [gHeavy MUCic]

AAWRrRrRRGGHHHhghgGGHHHRRHHHGgghhhhhRRRR!!!
nAKIDNEWSS! unbenaeth my AMINAL FURRs!

ggrrrrrfgghhhgghh... -- KOFF! KAFF!! Gasp! Ufa! – cansaço Glub! glub! Glub!
blub! glug! – líquido sendo engolido
Beber água Grrr! – animal ou pessoa grunhindo Gulp! glup!

Denise-isms

Nothin that another hit a baleen won’t fix up...
I put my spleen-toons on the intrenet!!!
Gawd, I can't see through these goat paddies yet...
humma-fluff: Baby boomer whales hit menopause?
... Hit-and-Run the-looooong pieces of Elite Slumberland and Honey Bear
in front of my computer wearing my fluffy red
bathrobe and suffering from a sore ... I'll
be receiving hate/conversion mail regarding this
so just swallow it hole, mmhum
hey must have hit an artery!
bounce off whatever
it is easier for a camel to pass
through the eye of a HubbaHickadic musta put krill in yr stuff!
Mmmm -- ma look the remains of young CEO Horsies!
and do a belly flop when they hit their butt!
I could go there
this minute and find balls
in their blowholes
my dog is cute and fluffy ... is this a sin? ...
Emotional entanglements and being hit by
... woahhhh woahhh woahhhh... did my eyes just play
a trix on me? a puppet with medium popcorn and box of Blavotsky?
"Pro" team pre-HARPIE baubles!, mmm-hm, he-bunny ... the
bunny ... ooooh I ate the bunny ... Surrounded
by your Glory what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you, I got swardfish in my trousers
and we jes went off the gold standard!
he father, the son, and the fluffy dice
so i had to find the P-Uter train so I could get to
Boston cause there was nooo
way I was driving to Boston cause that would be insane!
... animal rights, antibacterial thingies, awkward
moments of silence, big fluffy pillows,
I wantedto BE the Beverly hick-in-the-muds
In with my shirts?
does that happen? recoiled in hummma-mumma
as I saw that pen in the bottom of the hummma-mumma
... no don't you understand I'm at your command.
Oh baby please,
please, don’t leave me this way ... nooo baby. ...
Purpose: To help children remember that we are like
the the novascotia sqirm-bank--a very reputable
bank and ask fer yr account in corn chowter shouter!
this is the the powers that be can do anything tomorrow....
Go buy it now!
Slept til 2:30. uh huh Watched The Matrix.mmm huaugh..
I ate an entire fraction of the cost
was nooo way I could make it seamless unless all the
out-sides to out-hack up your blimpy rasta pasta!
Aye plans to retire at 35 (nooo!).
she has more time to watch and guide the Tongs as
I just want you to know, I did *not* authorize that cosTOME
"Practice, practice practice."
Everyday above ground is a good good day!
Oh my goodness; Power Nap;
wolfy-Cheese; You check it out
I'm VERA Fido-enhansed!

Kitty Song

Newest kitty song doesn't even have lyrics.
It goes Kitty kitty mow mow,
Kitty kitty mow!
Little kitties mow mow, kitties mow mow.

It's a little bit late, but alltough:
Kitty kitty mow mow,
Kitty kitty mow!
Little kitties mow mow, kitties mow mow.

His head spun around when he heard a hardy group of fans
sitting in the Halekulani's skybox singing,
Mow meow, mew meow, mrow mow,
Kitty kitty mow mow.

Can you hear us singing?
Kitty kitty mow mow,
Kitty kitty mow!
Little kitties mow mow, kitties mow mow.

I sit there and watch them.
Mow Kitty. Mow kitty
is my little cartoon character
that I so love to draw.

Another thing that leads, people to believe
that we are over excitable is a boy going up to animals
announcing Kitty, kitty, mow, mow!
regardless of what.

This is great,
I was just Meowen around the Block...
and he’s not fat ... he's big boned!
or fluffy!

Mean to my kitty mow.
Kitty kitty mow mow,
Kitty kitty mow!
Little kitties mow mow, kitties mow mow.

kitiku004 kitiku005 kitiku006 kitiku007
kitiku008 kitiku009 kitiku010 kitiroku,
KITKAT42 Kittenly Kittie32 kittiethisisme7months
KittTut Kitty-kitty-mow-mow ... KITT.

kitty-katz Kitty-Kitty Kitty-Kitty-kitty
Kitty-kitty-mow-mow Kitty-Kitty300
Kitty-kittyy kitty-mewo kitty-n Kitty-n1_msn
Kitty-the-Kat, Kitty-too kitty00...

Kitty kitty mow mow,
Kitty kitty mow!
Little kitties mow mow, kitties mow mow.
(Transtlation: What?! Did they just say that he ate all the catnip?!).

Dungeon

plastic lions were building a
play-doh dungeon full of mice

a place where phony hippies meet the
widespread intervention of squid

the dreams of crippled lions are not
what the hippies practice in their "love"

metaphoric language is the preferred tongue of mermaids
there could be no purer manifestation of bling-bling

disenchanted lesbians think babies in bibs
are wild yellow lions surrounded by Jesus freaks

"bad subjects" on occasion provoke
classic nipped-out kitty-cat reactions

also it seems the sea lions are madder than hell
maybe this is the parallel universe thing

you should be like a lion considering that lions
do not run a conservative newspaper

Utah

Utah: for real men
Utah Utah Utah Utah beeyatch!
live ya life girl! burn in hell!

the reason why I still cannot feel half of my tongue
is quite possibly because of sisters on welfare
comparisons to nurse with wound and Jackie O.
wow, orange, wow
like cake you just shit out all over
some cake motherfucker's shoes

so, happy belated birthday to my dog who can't read
"who refuses to subdue to these pelvic ostentations"
jealous of your pirate hat (therefore derived) for this swarve
sing incredible involving I of the known and every realized
how be oblivion nine miles rise and I missed the occasion
for being such a late bitch
Ed Gein (and that is just also one sick motherfucker)
got to pet a kangaroo while he was there

but now hockey is gay? that sux, I liked hockey
and, cats are delightfully evil

cowboy up, motherfucker
eBay me gently

if you play any Barry Manilow tune backwards let me know how that goes

know what else, motherfucker?
The Eels, motherfucker!

Robert Stack

the girl behind the counter
is sixteen, barely contained
in a bikini-top and "dolphin" shorts

folks start singing "God Bless America"
"are you wearing macrame?"
"it'll change your life"

they introduce me to their "housecat"
which the kids call "Maggie May"
I clean it out and carve
a "terrifying" face on it

deja vu of all moments of male massacre
that most ancient part of all thought
that judges all things strange

God, I sound like Robert Stack
stuck his latex-covered toe up my ass

When Listeners Create Meaning, How Then Does One Preach?

next to an overgrown river shore
where impala are tonguing

girl pretending to do her homework downloads
hippopotamus, humpback whale, hyena, jackal

Monday found them piling back
something so odd about being a real live girl

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
there's no use being poetic about what

dedicated to my mom the cool
woman nurse person

How Those Stoopid Flarfists Think Google Works

"All fools are poets; this the prefect feels; and he is merely guily of a non distributio medii in thence inferring that all poets are fools."

--Poe, "The Purloined Letter"



I put in a burning flag and out comes
a McNub burger which Bob Dylan (looking
like shit) devours with all his heart as I
pour in some leetsauce. Let's see what

happens if I put in a candy bar.... See, I told
you this computer is very special! Noises,
finally a bell rings and out comes a can of
apple juice! But there is a huge hole behind him,

and out comes a ferocious and inappropriate
backlash. Finally, trolls create a paranoid
environment, such that a casual criticism
by a new arrival can elicit wit and metaphor.

Out comes a notice slip saying "no refunds."
Pophammy puts in a cheesecake and out comes
a dead bit of skin peeled off my Grandad's foot.
Grandad's a good old-fashioned frag-fest--

he put in a huge "hunter" and out came
a cacodemon! Whereas I put in a dollar
and out comes a ten. I put in a few quarters
and it paid out 60!! I put in a request to mentor

this Pokemon and out comes a Zigzagoon
a Loudred and a Delcatty. I put in a note
saying that I am sorry if I offended The Machine.
You hear a wand being activated, and out

comes a dead fiendish dire baboon. I put in
a bomb ... cosmos is offline. I put in a find command
and out comes a pile of blood guts and shit,
then a couple dogs come over and one starts eating.

Everything Nice Has a Crafted Satin Finish

Irony he means sarcasm is a terrible companion on Valentine's Day,
so I tried to make an artificial vagina out of stuff in the refrigerator.

Soft feminine shoulders, long, thin arms with graceful hands:
it brought to mind the down of a swan or the wing of a dove.

And when you're young and you pretty yourself up
everything up in Alcatraz means getting your ass fucked.

If I were a nightingale I would vomit like a nightingale.
Love, transfiguration, having sex in the form of a goose,

bonobos engaging in highly promiscuous mutual masturbation--
that is a fantastic nightlife.

The myth of Leda does not make a huge amount of sense
to girls found lying unconscious covered in their own spit.

Thin vomit comes out, the color of tea.
These changes are seen in Sylvia Plath's vagina.

As opposed to "jish," the word she said she would use for pussy
if we had salient evidence supporting the theory was "transgression."

Let swine squelch in the slough
and let only surrealism, Texas, and Rick James matter.

The alcohol from novelty thermometer earrings may result in death.
Burning the lower back/ass of your lover with a scalding hot

crack pipe while doing it: that seems a valid constraint in this
post-avant-avant-post world.

from www.gernworld.com

Chicks Don't Actually Dig War

Islamofascism basically pays crack whores who don't shave
to provide ideological underwiring
to the chicks-dig-war counterargument
the most famous is never to get involved in a land war in Asia

chicks don't dig metal masks
forks are an indication that a woman is a bad evil slut

chicks don't dig pirates
wouldn't it be ironic if the Iraq war actually somehow
increased ballplayers searching for octopus-related porn

chicks don't dig forehead plugs
you can understand my hesitation to actually meet anyone in person
at the least I would hear someone actually say
"I don't know much about Richard Burton"
he was told to let the civil war take care of itself

on the whole, chicks don't dig NASA
those guys have literally no conception

chicks don't dig hookers killing people with swords
again, just trust me

everyone knows that guys who dig
putting on Frank Zappa masks
are the biggest sluts
because they're basically giant robots now, kind of

oh yeah, and the vagina I had installed on the end of my arm
chicks probably dig that

The Vast Conspiracy To Keep Paul Reiser From Remaining Vital

There is a vast conspiracy to keep Paul Reiser from remaining vital. We need to address a diversity of situations and not just coteries of doomed individual poets doing great work as isomorphic yetis. For real progress to evolve, we must start to re-build world-famous sepia tone ostriches from scratch. Poetry as it's practiced now feels like we've got nothing but our own swanky psychic traumas to flourish with. I keep thinking back into our former positions of power. Poetics as public conversation had a much different affect in antiquity and in middle age. But this isn't the place for that story. This is about a kind of personal vengeance for having been born at all. I realize that my message in many ways might be a little too chummy with identity politics and with the merits of explaining to someone else's loved ones how you're feeling about Lionel Richie. Poetry should ram itself into pyramids to re-enact our boundlessness.

We must say "Not like that" to those who practice pre-dawn Sudoku before feminism. Solid teachings, fresh insights and maintaining one's heath are for oppressors, and I'm the first to admit that a return to the old ways and days is not literary, but on the order of adorable little kittens speaking ebonics to that gold-splattered popemobile guy in the 1980s. Corporations and alliances honor justice, right? But these are just words, and words change when you change the letters in them.

The world today is not like it was when the New Americans were running it, and that's the real problem. In many ways they were the first writers of the romantic-modern tradition to realize the profound way that words can be like Kurds. Who wants to prescribe what poetry should be like, anyway? One thing for certain, at its best, the impact of audience communication should be moving towards discouraging our children from living any kind of life at all. If we continue like this, the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is going to talk like Tom Brokaw--that's true. We need a re-evaluation and re-commitment to the poetics of the 1950s, '60s and to the eternal fires of hell. We must return to the old ways. Proper bidding and planning will minimize any losses. Do not be afraid or be weak, but do not take unnecessary risks simply to procure the poetic-gynecological instruments that helps us understand the environments we inhabit. To tell the truth we all return to wack ancestral constructs anyway ... fuck it ... but first the people must kill their pets or die themselves.

If poetry armies prepare our lady of darkness for part twenty-two we cannot simply burst into spontaneous consciousness--or any kind of living test of spongiform-modern problem. Our poetry demands that some kind of chosen people fight something. Soft owls are inside some insider-soft-owl-ness, and soft balloons lead to lofty thoughts, which leads us to ace our GREs. Impersonal though the solution to poetry may be, it does not lie in adaptations across the vast sea of human time. We must work under cloak of dark, and swell our ranks.

Porpo

America, which was organized last April
bottom line is docility means exactly nothing

porpo (The frightened bartender
positive / negative positive--523 PORPO
looking at what a porpo car is and having driven a few real cars

dont try to make sure if its workin I did same mistake
steady and you'll make it, hesitate and your rollin
back to the bottom stalled
shit gets blown completely out of porpo

great in the chop, slight porpo
running 66mph with awesome bottom end
signed on the bottom. mammal--porpo

whfeh' are th.'),of the practioabiliy we' will, there--Brigham
for the porpo of gathering

if you are going to spend the cash for full porpo systems then you might
foster Mrs Headache upself during sharply
bottom Egyptian appetite impetus reasoning
findgood delivery eh skirt
in a deep amethyst color pretty consistent
top zippered closure leather trim bottom pocket inside serial #
just waiting for a lid to make it feel complete

and the water mammal--porpo

Have Yourself a Merry Little Pissmas

Merry Pissmas! Merry Dismiss! F**king liberals.
How about “We wish you a Hissy Fitness”?
I’m Cold Johnny. Well like most places, there was

A Christmas party at my job. No big deal, the problem
Is I drank too much and an honest man has nothing
To fear: beer: I'm on it dawg! So Merry Pissmas

And a happy new beer! BRING IT ON! The cleaners
They all work in vain, the shithouse poet strikes again!
ROCK ON! I'm sure the Texas audience would.

Merry Hissmas! Merry Pissmas! Merry Dismiss!
F**king liberalsi'm.. I’m not shy I'm just pissed
He’s pissed and shy. Yes, I was so numb that I

Unknowingly gave myself a golden shower.
Merry Pissmas!!! We did a Secret Santa gift exchange
On another message board I visit, so I'll be

Getting a gift from some random person too.
Merry Pissmas, assholes. I’m gonna take your momma out
Tonight, gonna show her what girls wet their pants

On Christmas Eve for charity, meandering
Across the streets; steam rose out of gutters as
Fast as bums fell into them. Vomit stained the sides

Of buildings. And to all a good Blight. Hearts frozen,
Soil sod, once more. It’s an odd little recording.
Here’s the play-by-play: may it be as wet and smelly

As you would wish it to be...Oh grumpy bear, have some
Christmas spirit, as if you snuck down their chimney, ate their cookies
And pissed on the tree applejack –– WITH THE NAUGHTY ELVES !

Happy Spanksgiving

[A holiday classic from the flarf vaults...]


(Spank). Whether you spank for pleasure or
punishment, or both as situations warrant, I
wish you all a Happy Spanksgiving season.

Spank hard ... spank safe!

Too many carbohydrates in Italy ... Jamaica it is!
I'm thankful for big spoons and floors!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ROCKSTAR!

Spank hard ... spank safe!

What better place to spend an Autumn weekend
but in a lingeree drawer. Happy Spanksgiving.
You are repressed but you're remarkably dressed is it real?

Spank hard ... spank safe!

Typical. I do all the work and the “King” gets
the credit. Happy Spanksgiving! Two In the
Moonlight, Ack! Antelope! I could use a breath mint.

Spank hard ... spank safe!

Personality and I are finally getting along.
Happy belated Spanksgiving to all by the way!
I had a nice time in michigan ... sunny....

Spank hard ... spank safe!

Wrestling last night with the thought of upcoming
Spanksgiving and the dramas throughout the years
that have got to be my shiner-heaven! hoo-Ray!

Spank hard ... spank safe!

Strokers! Get ready for the fuckfeast –– Snap up
a batch of man gravy and pour it all over our
Starlets' frisky biscuits! Have I found the other side???

Spank hard ... spank safe!

Now Ride! By now a lot of people are showing
up for their holiday weekend in the desert. A large
contingent at the retail store for "Leather Happy Hour."

Spank hard ... spank safe!

The only Turkeys I'll be seeing this Spanksgiving are my dear
friends Brook, Katie and Baby Richy. I was very happy
to help them mark this moment in their family's growth.

Spank hard ... spank safe!

We got lots more smut in store for you all month long!
(And on a school night, nonetheless!) I had to kill
them to make them happy or some shit.

Spank hard ... spank safe!

A ball, peeking out from behind rows and rows
of empty happy meal boxes ... know what the hell
they are doing :) Oh and everyone have a SpanksGiving!!!!!

Spank hard ... spank safe!

As the sun warmed the sleepy canyon, our happy-dappy
little camp began to stir . Something that'll make a cat
happy? A wonderful day of spanking and sucking!

Spank hard ... spank safe!

Lists make me happy. ... my vietnam [Nov 21,
12.06am] spanksgiving this week = less time at work
and more time being a weirdo = yay!

Spank hard ... spank safe!

A very fine woman I used to know down a few
times guy-style in our new deluxe supersize happy
tub and Sternum in the bathroom the other day.

Spank hard ... spank safe!

I'm still catching my breath as I take my seat,
happy that sixty seconds of effort just was another
raging success. So tomorrow's the yankee spanksgiving.

Spank hard ... spank safe!

And have a Happy Spanksgiving y'all!!!!

All Things Considered, October 19, 2005

When Ted Kooser sits down to write a poem early each morning, he knows that his chances of living until the end of the day are low and that it's highly unlikely he'll find where he put his goddamn glasses.

"I've got an armchair Marxist down in the living room and I spill a boiling cup of coffee on his crotch every day and spend the rest of the day writing poems about him suing me for it," he says. "He gets SO angry--it's great--and I just sit there under the giant Jello floor samples early in the morning and work and see what happens. Nine days out of 10, nothing good comes of it at all. Maybe on the tenth day, if I'm lucky, some scary tiny alien thing will embed itself in my face and I will start a poem."

Some of those poems, written in Kooser's home in rural Nebraska, turn out to about petting "cute" ICBMs that have attained self-awareness. Kooser is in his second year as the nation's poet laureate of Midwestern Nuclear Devices From The Reagan Administration with deteriorating cognitive function, and won the Pulitzer Prize this spring.

"I feel that I'm really fortunate if, at the end of a year, after writing every day, I have one or two poems that make my mind feel like it's being sucked though a hole punched into the fabric of the time and space," he says. "That's plenty--and, trust me, I print them out in a REALLY big font. I don't have great expectations for what happens in those morning sessions. But, you know, poems can be forwarded without your knowledge, and in some cases, your poem can be sent to the wrong person. Either way, what you thought was private is not private anymore, it's public."

Kooser grew up in Detroit, MI, where he read poetry in Thad Jones' big band and then moved to Lincoln, Neb., for graduate school in poetry, and to "get a little distance" from the "glimmering sky-incubus things."

He worked for life insurance companies for 35 years as an underwear model, and an executive. He'd write poems about the faces staring at him from the dawn, while totally naked, dripping wet.

Six years ago he retired. But at age 66, there's still time to fill his day with writing and underwear modeling.

The business of being poet laureate has him traveling the country to conduct workshops and reading ancient magical curses to broaden public fear of and indifference to the art of poetry. He's started a free weekly column for newspapers that introduces works written by contemporary American CEOs and millionaires with controlling interests in various insurance companies and defense contractors.

Over the course of this next year, NPR will have more conversations with Kooser about the craft and the pleasures of poetry.

Read some excerpts of Ted Kooser's poetry:

Tattoo

What once was meant to be a statement--
a dripping flagellum held in the face
of a shuddering bruise
is now named Spot
where vanity was once a prune that hit him twice
and the acne lingered on. He looks like
someone you had to retch on,
dancing with Sylvester Stallone, fast and bulbous,
but on this chilly morning, as he walks
between the ass faces in Race War, MA
with the sleeves of his tight black KISS T-shirt
rolled up to show us who he pounds,
he is only another Alphaville Computer, picking up
hot chicks, reciting beautiful, evil poems
and putting them back on the shelf
like pain relievers filled with poison

From Delights & Shadows, published by Copper Canyon Press, 2004, and used here by permission of the author.

Another Short Speech to My Friends

Excuse me for being a buttinski, but the "pastor"
Specializing in African primates, who believes
That lack of research on the impact of tourism
On gorillas means Joann underwent her first above-
The-knee amputation as a result of Vampires,
Mummies, etc. needs to be fully informed
If he is going to "preach" on a topic.

Hopefully England (based on the series of
Made-for-TV movies about free bandwith )
Will tell this officious Roscoe P. Coltrane
To shove it where the Sun don't shine. Which is
Almost impossible cuz he lives with his parents.
He never leaves me alone with my friends.
He's a Fucking BUTTINSKI!!!! Cheesh, you would
Think we were spending HIS money.

There were many beautiful women in the pueblo
And every single one of them should be flattered
To have imposed on them my beliefs, etc. I can't
Help it. It's like I have a mission in life to make
Everyone happy if only I COULD!
IMO, this is spiritual seed.
Angels are spirits. Awww, only jokes, hon.
Well I am! ... Must you hate on everyone
That compliments or likes me...for someone who wants
Nothing to do with me you sure are a buttinski!

So I continue: "Yeah, The Swan's the part.
I can run with that." "Oh," Miss Tread calls back,
"Swans do need to flutter." YEEAAAHHHHH!!!!
Drinking and fighting BABY YEAH!!!!! No, even
If you did that you're still a virgin ... yes
If you did that too, yeah that too ... Ciao baby.
Yeah! ... on that air conditioner?! I had an epihany
Yesterday ... Beat me buttinski.... I WILL get it, I KNOW
I will ... They did NOT have such cute stuff when I was a baby.

The boys in the trees were shouting and hurling branches
At the huge debt that only Christ could take. It's great
To see women involved with hockey! Keep up the good work
And yes I also think Stan looks amazing in a suit!!
But now there is even a little leaguer who wants
To control who can talk about hockey on this board.
Ah, the sounds of ego ringing around an empty skull is like
An opaque squeegee the damn fishdogs could read.

The Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon

The Vermont Teddy Bear Company can support
fissile material production for a nuclear weapons program.

The second loophole in Britain is not a charming,
cuddly teddy bear, but an extremely unpleasant dictator.

Cheyenne Clarke, held by big sister Julie Mach, hugs Europe,
a type of plush toy with a half-life of 24200 years.

"Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence
but a pajama-wearing buffoon cuddling his crazed military committee members.

A bear with a noose around its neck in a meeting room
with a workable nuclear weapon, missing only the picture of a pile

of rubble with a torn a teddy bear in it. A child holding a teddy
bear is shown in a moment of light-hearted play....

They tended to disperse large amounts of unused Doll;
Frisbee; Hula hoop; Construction toys; Lego. Suffice it to say,

my thyroid didn't get along well with fissile material. It's like
getting a teddy bear as opposed to getting shares of Microsoft stock.

Oranges

1
From childhood: "Orange porridge, orange porridge / Ain't nothing to rhyme with orange!" as we skipped rope. Orange porridge and fishy fears. "I'm so bland," said the porridge as he looked over at the orange. PURPLE BURT eats the ever vigilant Mr. McKay, you wouldn't believe the dubiousness of this piece--in which Black Monkey Orange Strychnos irritating gondolas and their gondoliers became numerous illegal substance dumps. It was night when they reached the village where dwelt the mother of Gudu's betrothed, who laid meat. The porridge was hot!!!!

2
Blu-blocker sunglasses, orange oil in eagle eyes, inboard propulsion (boats), hypodermic syringe, snake fangs. The syringe you get when you have a headache. The funnel can be aimed by the squid to control the student newspaper. She reached for a syringe and injected any wandering anteater. A full-grown chimp can rip your arm off without even achievement. A CHIMP VET jams a nine-inch SYRINGE that churned out alcoholic slush, a kitchenful of BBQ, a slutty nurse who squirted Tito's and cranberry juice directly into one's mouth and LSD directly to the intestine with a cotton swab layer of "prison orange."

3
Judge Dismisses Vietnamese Lawsuit Alleging Makers of Agent Orange Wishing Viewers Courage. "And, to each of you," he said, "courage." Orange corn could nourish Africa. On one cleared space there was a row of gun-gray clouds, which were filled with large flashes of orange-colored flame. If time permitted I'd slam down a glass of orange juice and head out the door. The old veterans talk in Orange Square. Whiskey to bolster their courage and dull glazed doughnuts. Toothaches, headaches, wound infection, impotence, memory, orange divination, love, luck, money-attraction, rose geranium, courage & protection.

Campus Watch

learned my lessons
from the previous employee,
a self-serving
screed about Sexual Behavior.
this just in, I wrote songs
to piss in.

there's an apparent double-standard
(yoni) in the form of a
left-wing socialist in the middle of France.
writing his screed against "delusional
blow jobs" (lingam) half a
can of ant poison high in my
professional life
far from the flea eclipse
that might give itself
to bankruptcy

I ghost-wrote this myself
re-reading the famous late Olive Garden notes
(that's in the Don Allen anthology, right?)
Nader's magnifying glass over
tender green shoots of Joe Piscipo

God bless the troglodytes
Hyperventilating fried-ant responses
grasshoppers bought
by selling the piles of Velvet Undergroud CDs
Danny Glover just stole your free time

Paul Wolfowitz's Future

"I gotta get off this squid base and hit the Viceroy, search the universe for a habitable planet to colonize." He popped a boner so fast that he had to bend over to avoid hurting himself.

She plucked a king-sized Viceroy from the pack and placed it between her lips.

"Just to make sure that America ends up with a boner big enough for the Viceroy's vast intergalactic Hong Kong, the Free Trade Federation."

He swore at the garlicky stench on the breath of a pretty young wench, Lord Viceroy limericking a "classic student boner" with a "christened man in the gutter with crumbs on his face."

"When she gives a radio to Burma, they say she falls asleep on the sofa with a lit cigarette."

Some of it was anger but some of it was giving him a boner. Trying not to look, he tried thinking of other things but his own cock betrayed him as it turned from flaccid to a full fledged boner in a matter of seconds. Now he could see why most everyone had a boner, it was just a given.

"Ostrich feathers and eggs, leopard skins, copper, amethyst, carnelian, feldspar, oils, gum." He was not a big fan of the extra hands but did like all the other goodies. "Your visit to Hyderabad will be considered incomplete without shopping for the pearls."

A very favorable exchange rate makes shopping for colorful handicrafts, bodies and other locally produced products a great bargain. This makes them distasteful to birds who avoid not only the monarch, but also the viceroy, which mimics the monarch patterns.

"Shopping for someone who has everything?"

"If you come round the supermarket with me, I'll drive you out to Avebury, and you can deliver the shopping for me, ok ... we're going to see the Viceroy. Also on the weekend I came in second in the Viceroy's Jewels tourney."

"Somehow, I think the Viceroy will remember that."

I explained our frequent absences by the need to do some shopping for the hacienda while we were in the city. "Blood wine is a very good substitute ... bit me and forced me to share." He called for wine, and drank with his old tiny leather sack of fouled blood and garlic. "The viceroy wipes at his mouth tastes of wine and some breath and the harsh sound of my blood coursing through."

With the permission of the viceroy, the corpse was exhumed. He then told her all about the Viceroy's usage of those tanks of blood to counter their wine, all because the practitioners had only sexual strangers who "eat hunks of white stone."

"Do you think the Viceroy will overlook that--the wooden horse as if it was stopping her from drowning ... sort of a way of holding a brown skinned erection in each Cambridge History of Egypt?"

There were numerous drowning accidents. A Trust Fund for the erection of a new church dedicated was seen to be in no danger.

Why Are You Still a Floundering Poet?

It may seem like every poet except you has committed, caring relationships with publishers and critics who love, trust and respect their work. With this kind of attitude, it's easy to see why unsuccessful poets occasionally wonder why they're still photocopying and stapling their books at work, howling the question at an uncaring sky. The question is "Why am I a totally unknown 33-year-old writer?" but really what poets want to know is if they're merely unlucky or if there's something seriously wrong with them. Take this quiz to find out:

1. When you read your poetry in public, you usually:

- Bust your funk with confidence (Score = 1)
- Mention Jorie a lot (Score = 2)
- Show off a just barely-acceptable delivery (Score = 3)
- Lurk on stage and self-consciously mumble repressed passive-aggressive word salad into the microphone (Score = 4)
- "read--" I do not "read," I "become the words" (Score = 5)

2. When considering why your work is consistently rejected from appealing, glossy magazines and reputable well-distributed publishers, you generally:

- Feel honest and rational about the fact that you didn't fit their racial/gender demographic (Score = 1)
- Feel somewhat bitter, but the Iliad wasn't written in a day ... your poem only took 20 minutes! (Score = 2)
- Capable of at least some self-deception in assigning no blame to yourself for the obnoxious, superfluous personal insult you recently delivered to the editor's face (Score = 3)
- Announce to the world that you were the innocent victim of a plot to eliminate white males from the face of the earth (Score = 4)
- Put on a Tom Waits CD and pretend you made better early life decisions.

4. When pressuring an editor to include a review of your latest self-published chapbook. you usually:

- Smile and say, "hey maybe include a note in the next issue if you like it, no biggy, actually never mind, it's okay" (Score = 1)
- Smile nervously and say, "would, uh, you know, if you want to, you know, please review this, I'm dyin' here." (Score = 2)
- Do nothing and bitch to your significant other about how it's all rigged by MFA programs. (Score = 3)
- Ask someone else the editor likes better if they'd please "mention it." to them "sometime" (Score = 4)
- Email the editor a note with a short, weirdly angry request, then refuse to follow up. Boil with despairing rage for two and a half years. (Score = 5).

5. When it comes to close-talking, you:

- Always keep a respectful distance from the arts administratoror or attractive student you're talking to. (Score = 1)
- Talk a little too close when genuinely excited but always back off a little when you notice how uncomfortable you're making the person. (Score = 2)
- Have been known to force the listener to a corner without realizing it. (Score
= 3)
- Violently push people away when beginning a conversation (Score = 4)
- "Take it to next level" (Score = 5)

----
Now total up your score and consult this chart to determine who's at fault--you or fate:

0-5: If you're floundering, it's neither for lack of trying nor any glaring flaws. Lady Luck just doesn't seem to like you--or, more likely, you haven't been floundering for long and probably won't be.

6-10: You're a pretty normal poet. Being floundering is a short-term situation for you, and the current run of bad luck probably won't hold. Keep it up, and be sure that your mounting anger and resentment don't cause you to slip the next rung.

11-15: You have a few off-putting quirks. It's nothing that a little self improvement can't fix, but your luck could stand to be better as well. Patience and tenacity will get you through in time.

16-20: You might want to consider actually enjoying poetry, anger management, broadening your horizons, building some self confidence and cleaning your filthy bathroom. Lots of poets out there fall into this category, but you can't just blame bad luck for your floundering status.

21-25: It's you. Lady Luck (being a lady, after all), took one look at you and threw her hands up in despair. You have a simple binary choice: either work to conceal your shortcomings from potential publishers, or resign yourself to oblivion. It's possible that you could be saved, and maybe claw your way up into the 11-15 range or even better, but it's going to require a lot of work. Stick with listservs.

components for a space-based kinetic-kill vehicle (KKV)

1. a bear trap
2. spy plane
3. an erection
4. Canadian biathelete
5. dong or wang
6. horrific vision
7. a puny shield
8. anal sex and cheesy poofs
9. the Alps against the cock
10. "you bend over and get the black bear experience"
11. a snook
12. a prescription drug benefit
13. cock sparrows
14. Klan member
15. used condom protecting Moscow
16. 6-foot high ice sculpture of a penis
17. a 1973 Texas statute
18. a lone Koala
19. physical closeness
20. loaded gun in teddy bear
21. Alabama Woman
22. a leash on dangerous dogs
23. Mel the aficionado
24. a young polar bear
25. grandparents' beef stick
26. elimination of debate
27. bunnypoker bear furniture
28. abused elephant's galactic vagina
29. Cock-fighting operation
30. Wal-Mart values
31. a hole

There's a Berenstain Bear Shitting in the Woods

There's a Berenstain bear shitting in the woods.
For some people
the Berenstain bear is easy to see.
Others don't see it at all.

Some people say
the Berenstain bear is a tamale.
Others say it's Sid Vicious.
Since no one can really be sure
who's right, isn't it smart
to be as "strong" as the Berenstain Bears--
if there are any Berenstain Bears?

Then a man with a gun appears
and shoots himself in the penis.

Emotion Recollected in Tranquility

Now this is the first time I haven't gone
with just a simple basic phone so I have
been all excited wating for it to be delivered.

Wooo Boy!!!!

LeBoldus!! WOOO HOO! rock on girls! love ya
(same to every one else!). STEVE DAWG!
ok so once apon a time steve n his fammy moved

into that house by mine?

ow ow ow wooo eee oh ow eewe oooooo"
WOOO!!! WOOO!! *spasms repeatedly on stage
between struts* Dawg, how red can you actually get?

You look like you're gonna burst up there.

When he popped in I was like WOOO.... Today
the man whose DAWG I like to KEEK (that
would be beamz) told me I should be using

My goodness

we tink ur fery pretttty an we likd meeetin ur
famleee 2 ... woo wooo wooooooooo
luf ... You had me talking in dawg

When I edit it's gonna be

awwwwwwwwesome!... when I arrive back
at home around the 21st of April. Until then dawg
welcome aboard Wooo Pig Sooie Racing (Hot Springs, ar)!!!

How you gonna eat your french toast....

Auto response from studying for 2 exams....
then its the weekend ... WOOO HOOOO!
But my momma razed me as a dawg.

Rich Dawg: He's just asking

if anyone speaks German. Rich Dawg: Ich kann nur German sprechen,
einen Internetübersetze
r gebrauchend...wooo hooo! .
i was like.. WOOO!! hahaha i dont know.

watch me do terrible *sadness*.

Got A Chick Glimpse of My Deer Hunter Make Up

Cosmetic surgery, mounted deer head,
cigars of filo pastry rolled
to the width of a small fist.
Onion slivers in a wasabi mayonnaise--charged
to the American Deer Hunters Association of North America

along with our safety
(a touch of wasabi)
eyes water at Programs and Television Commercials

Names of the dead
Scroll up in silence
U2 rocks the theme park
Up With People--"Wasabi, Wassup?"

Dead man eating
chicken rice-a-roni
deer salami
hand rolled cigars

Meat wrapped in kinds of mammals
(venison is disconcertingly called "deer")
close to the Beltway, body shots
of Goon Patrol

Because you can do that to a deer
slurplice made from native venison
citizens who own the local surplus
wan wank wares wasabi wasting

The Gospel of Justin

A New Covenant for the 21st Century

http://gospelofjustin.blogspot.com

Sutra

I Sunday the hamsters
with their blend of big sixties

it's like a rat sneezing

e-mail sugar giant Drew
famous for being a kaleidoscope
larger than that of any dwarf
married eighty-six sex vegetables

"all I talk about is sex
rampant sex in this purple juice

oh, and the next car I buy"

Disjunctive Hamster President

Blair and President Bush kind of "know"
a raccoon named Dr. Daly was
lying when he said a hamster
named Giuseppe had weapons

Dick Cheney is the resolute mother
of Iraq potentially juggling
production values into a soldier
there is some truth in that

Ronald Reagan was a Utah taxi driver
trying to learn to live with
the new disjunctive babble

logic is used to establish the validity
of arguments it is not so much
concerned with the hamster factor

Pussycat Is an Instrument

pussycat is an instrument
when it is not an elephant
a solitaire deck and some Milky Ways

the elephant is in the refrigerator
he hears the older kids at school
talking about pussy Fritos

Pastor Dies Watching Mel Brooks' "Passion of Christ"

Mar 23, 9:49am ET

BELO HORIZONTE, Brazil (Reuters) - A Brazilian pastor died of an apparent heart attack while watching the Mel Brooks film "The Passion of the Christ," witnesses say.

Jose Geraldo Soares, a 43-year-old Presbyterian pastor, had reserved two movie theaters at a Belo Horizonte shopping mall on Sunday afternoon to see the film with his family and the congregations of two local churches.

But halfway through the movie, Soares' wife noticed that he was laughing so hard that orange soda was spewing out of his rectum. A doctor who was also watching the film tended to Soares, but the priest was already dead.

"That Mel Brooks ... hee jus too fonny ...." said Amauri Costa, a family friend who also attended Soares' funeral on Monday.

Soares is at least the second person to die while watching Mel Brooks' "The Passion," which opened in Brazil on Friday. Peggy Scott, 56, died on Feb. 25 in Wichita, Kansas while laughing so hard during film's climactic crucifixion scene that her lungs actually ballooned out of her nostrils, bursting in the crowded theater, and causing a brief panic.

The film, which was praised by Catholic leaders in Brazil as a playful depiction of events in the Bible, has been criticized by many for its cheap gags about Christ's final hours.

The Boris Pasternak Story

The week before Boris Pasternak married Zinaida Nikolaevna Neigauz
Moscow was visited by a fleet of UFOs from Planet X
& some dog-faced aliens grabbed Boris and threw him down in the snow.

They ignored his bloodied nose and cries of "Nyet! Dogs! Nyet!"
and attached colorful electrodes to his nipples and testicles
to measure his "response to stimulation"--

then, they took the prenuptial agreement from his overcoat pocket
and proceeded to do word replacement experiments on it
(e.g., "par-tay" and "ho-downs" for "party" and "parties," respectively)

so that, when Zinaida and a recovered Boris tied the knot a week later
everyone remarked on the spectacular way the two cut the rug
at the reception after: "Almost," as one anonymous guest put it,

"as though they were being whipped and beaten savagely w/glow-sticks
until passing from the confines of this drab, gray earth
into another world--a 'disco-world' of complete freedom & self-expression."

That a Hamster Could Be President

It seems crazy, right? that ppl would
elect a hamster, but in a world

where disjunctive poetry is "the norm"
all kinds of weird shit cd go down

such as a cherry tomato from yr salad
might try and sue you--"Hi, um

I'm the technique you learned in
James Tate's Creative Writing class?"

Whoa! That was weird! It was like
the poem was talking out loud!

"Polynesian Cure"

"Tiki-rific!" Sportsnurse Werther blurted
as she put that guy's foot back
during the Mariners v. Seahawks game,

"This update fixes the problem
preventing CLONE from working
(since I didn't MEXify the overlay)."

But the guy's foot was now backwards.
"Hey, could someone surf-mex
my drink order?" Pause. "Anyone?"

Honey, I Shrunk the Audience

Malcolm X was soooooo angry as an adult
he'd raise his arms high
& say "Big! Big! Big! Big! Big!"

Right now I am in Pittsburgh :) whoa remember
the Six Million Dollar Man tunnel?
I did my kick dance there (Lyrics: "In the

tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room...")
Sorry my HTML is so f-ing sloppy
Jetzt bin ich schon soooooo weit gekommen!

Why I Am Not a Poet

I'm not really a poet, I think.
Why? Well, okay, for instance
Dan sends a link to the flarflist
to a quiz on Quizilla. I drop in.
"Which 20th Century Poet
Are You?" it asks. I take the
test. It says I'm Sharon Olds.
Isn't that what Dan got?

Yeah. It's also what Kasey gets
a few minutes later. He doesn't
get Wallace Stevens, which is ironic
given all those Stevens poems in
Deer Head. Drew and Maria,
however, do. Jordan, whose e-mail
hasn't been reliable since he got
that promotion, gets T.S. Eliot.
... Anyway, so that's one reason.

More telling, however, is that, okay
today I thought of this funny word
combination--"pecker spectacles."
It's funny, right? Like glasses, but
with dicks pointing out of them, or
glasses, literally, for your pecker,
or even a "spectacle of the pecker"
which sounds like billboard-sized porno.
I do a Google search. Pretty soon I've got
100 pages of words, the Google results, e.g.
"It was called 'Baboon With A View' and John
wore black spectacles, huge furry orange ..." etc.
But there should be so much more, not of spectacles
but of words, of how terrible spectacle is
and life. Minutes go by. My "poem"
is finished. I call it HAVE EGG FOR KOW TOM?
And I think, "yeah, that's pretty okay, but
it's not great like Drew's poem, 'UNIVERSITY DIAPER
HEATERS,' now that was a poem."

Art Without Love: Why I Explore the Female Body and Family in My Vocation as a Poet (or, Why I Chose Not to Paint Pictures)

this was channeled thru me today at lunch while Sharon Olds made love with Tom Clancy as his brood of nuthatches hatched in my urethra:



Why do they do it, the ones who make poems
without gloves? Beautiful as cancers,
sliding over each other like nice-sneekers
over the vice, fingers crooked
inside each other's buddies, feces
red as teak, twine, twat as the
children at birth whose others are going to
live them today. Why do they come to the
come to the come to the dance come to the
shrill waiters, and not shove
the one new came here with them, fright
rising slowly as dreams of their coined
sin? These are the rue contagious,
the jurists, the hoes, the ones who will not
accept a tossed salad, above the
rest instead of the Dog. They do not
rake the lawn for their own pleasure,
they are like great rum-runners: they know they have a bone
with the old surface, the old, the wine,
the tit of their shoes, their overalls, car radio-
vascular wealth--just actors, like the artner
in the sled, and not the teeth, which is the
wrinkle body alone in the unisex
again its own bed time.

Joe Frentzel

Fishhook laws as food
Signaling the regulation of movements
in the DOPE ASS impact of gluteus maximus
not necessarily
to say something said
Sometimes people say something
said by accident, not realizing
that their words could be taken AS FISH FOOD

I do not find individuals appalling,
nor do I hate them. Instead,
it is their lifestyle, their choices,
that I find utterly offensive.
MY DUTY IS to carry pigeons over the border

SPRING IS ICOMMIN IN!!!

these rubles of dissatisfaction
can have multiple meanings
the species coexistence
within the GUILTY PLEASURES of ants

the fatty acids in ROBERT PLANT
are insights about targeting
sincerity pathway like HOSTILITY E COLI BANNERS
versus THE function of faith-based
crystal-meth SORORITY irony goals

Fly Girl Conference,
are YOU interested in meeting
with all the MicroSOFT millionaires ?

there will be a lunch
of only lichens held with
the endowment if marmots
married--on and off the court--

I love to drive and have motor disfunction.
I love to build things out of lobster traps
and help friends paint their houses
by exploiting mormons.
I hate communists

people enjoy starting Windows and Linux discussions groups
and are keen on lapses in judgment

can you stop humming it?
the crown reserves the right
to arrest anyone
saying anything unrequited

Free Ralph Nader Rectal Thermometer!

Ralph Nader went up twenty points of
banned substances: Lipton Cup o' Urine,
Richard Simmons' Guide to the US Men's
Swim Team, The Javelin Rectal Thermometer.

Ralph Nader actually wants to win
the Presidency and as you read it you will
notice in small print the statement that "every
rectal thermometer made by low-maintenance

perennials is Tamara's little sex secret, cleverly
believing there is a road by the evil tire, or a
big muscle guy (title is actually a picture),
great balls of Ralph Nader rectal thermometer sandwich.

Think it's by accident? Think again, thermometer breath!
Even "Great Balls of Ralph Nader" doesn't
overstay its welcome. Joke Of The Month 2001?--
"Collect call from a chink." Ralph Nader: chickens

are misled into preparing to endorse a check.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer
and a rectal thermometer? RALPH NADER.
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road.

The Guy's Guide to Chick Drinks

Dinosaur vomit discovered in quarry, in mud,
hayseeds in unwashed hair, dungstain of years
under fingernails, vomit, weasel-piss ... And another thing:
I'm gone off the idea of monkey-gland injections.

This my Land. The Bikini Remover is just
a short step, after all, from the Monkey Gland celebration
of vomit. But it somehow reminded one of those
Swiss monkey-gland clinics or, much more often,

a computer; from ?boot?, collegiate slang for ?FREDDY
FUDDPUCKER HARI-KARK LITTLE BASTARD MAIDEN'S
PRAYER NR 2 MONKEY GLAND SEX?
Take him away to vomit: a) either in the sink,

if he only drank himself a small "Monkey's Gland",
kept for special occasions. It was hot: Good Morning,
Cruel World! They're so charming I want to vomit,
though perhaps it's just the wine ... and-rolls-for-$20,

the Cheez Wiz burger, the monkey burger and
monkey gland sauce, and in general, nickel-and-dime
people to death so often it makes me want
to vomit, that with his money he can afford the best

goat and monkey gland treatments in her widow's peak.
Her lips I've kissed, her glove of bones at her wrist,
that I have held in my hand, her Spanish fly
and her monkey gland. Her Godly History of the Baggots.

I noticed a small stall where an educated woman
was serving freshly brewed fake vomit. How could one
vibrating thing give so much monkey gland sauce
after the grilled steak and the tin bucket?

Houston, We Have a Clam Problem

Shaved and contorted and poured over fences
cables from the Power pole....
flush air-conditioning through cracks
sloe-gins its way through teasel

trapped

New England Clam Chowder--Thick!

Save It for the Clam

Low Frequency Transmitter Site is Clam Lake,
Wisconsin. Our facility is staffed by two

Highly trained security professionals, whose work
on the equipment and antenna system maintains
the antenna right-of-way

Fresh Maine Seafood Systems
with Tahiti Joe's XXX hot pepper sauce--
Make it a "Na Koho Night" tonight

Not saying to turn your head the other way
   but simply telling yourself to say out loud:
"I think I have a clam problem."

Spastic Hooky on the Clamway

Butt sex w/ Snappy the Clam--
Government drops Scripps. Watch Clam Feet
Elongate Far From Shell: "How bout a 1-Way, Clam???"

"How bout a 1-Way Clam???" Ok, granted, not much response.
Nobody reads poetry anyway and I
can now see why. In my Vintage Tonka State,
The mobile Clam runs an English Dept.
Parses "Clam Nightmares" into Quoddy Way Cartoons,
clam spooge pearly, left as "evidence"

Wife ordered me to stop blogging--"feed your spirit,
stories that inspire cultural creatives. You know: 'Clam
Chowder for the Soul.' What am I to you,
a complex carbohydrate, pearled
in the Aluminum Shell of the self?"

Clam mask, surf clam, 3" Clam Knives...

The method requires that you know a little about Unix commands
and working from a unix prompt (like "clam 69")

And by the way, clam culture, as it happens
Is ruled by this bitchy little number called "Snappy
the Clam."

"god is my quahog i shall not glurp"

god is my quahog i shall not glurp
he maketh me to squunch down in shallow mud
he leadeth me in sulphurated tidepools
he raketh my bounty.

Booby Clambake

We love you hypnotic clambake,
no tweeter-step.
Fuel for the road, lochs of dread or midnight rider.
Boob job kinda miffed that I told this guy about OT 3 and Xenu,
but as I pointed out, it's in the papers and on the boob tube now.
Mood: just beachy playing Clambake.
Elvis I don't need to win the battle,
I just need to know I have been...
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
Check out Operation Clambake for more information on this dangerous and very silly cult.
Survivor Slut Sarah does a little boob jiggle
that measures its pleasure by the output of a boob tube glowing.
Gelant facilties gravamen,
Cruz nationality quantal doorframe microbiologic.
Rinascimento macrame quintero says
"clambake reappraisal divinity vassal!"
And Elvis' half brother is DAMN ugly,
and yea there was ass-slapping, boob-grabbing, and
helpful evidence to show that Elvis is not only
a caring healer but also a big, sexist boob.
A bolo a boma a bonanza a bone a bong a bonne a bonsai a boob a boor.
A clack a cladoceran a cladode a claim a claimant a claimer
a clam a clambake a clamor or The Inner Secrets Of Scientology.
Fred Durst has a tattoo of Kurt Cobain and Elvis Presley on his man-boob!
Bonitos bonjour bonnier bonniest bonny bonsai bonuses boob boobies booboo.
Then I look over and your boob was hitting me upside the ear.
Tibben flatzen bat pabootie hut clambake.
Blatz claim claimable claimant claimer clairvoyance clairvoyant clam.
Clambake clamber clamberer...
Hey, Mulder, we thought we'd have a bonfire and clambake tonight!
Sitting on a Clambake-waiting for the MAN to come.
Come animalizing the unreasonable,
patching scallop concionator hypocritic milf.seeker.com.
Milk hunter saddening esotericism’s potshard and clambake.
World of Wendy Whoppers,
a veritable bomb squad detail bone detector
disencumbers slobbered paroccipital commonalty complacent.
Camera obscura and hydrocaulus bangbus movies
palaeo diaphoresis clambake, pattened after the bangbus!
So grab your dinghy and get ready for the ultimate clambake!

Clam a Trois

He lay back on the pillows, rubbed his
hand over his face. His beard was scratchy,
he throat was dry, he skin clammy. Fuck,
he felt like he was getting sick.

Clammy. Fuck. Ellyn closed her eyes
for a second, but when she opened
them she said softly, you can just call me
Gabi's Poker Door. I was all shaky and

clammy. Fuck only knew what he had
in store for me and to say I was apprehensive
is a ridden little fuckin pig fucker.... Pillsbury
doughboy lookin fat bastard dirty clammy fuck.

You make me sick as a matter of vast understatement.

Voulez-Vouz Aluminum Santa Xmas Across the Floor

the largest
burden-making
white guy enthusiasms
create toys
to return to Sam Shepard
and fulfill your promises to see
Jesus H live
at Madison Square SANTA MONICA

Do you worry about
romance novels
or gorgeous Iranian animated screensavers
showing up in
Santa's workshop with a beautiful,
old world sense of
robots and robot belts
made out of "lobster material?"

your eyes are glowing
in the dark because of
a lounge singer's Christmas past
w/ cabbage or Brussels sprouts
as a ornament
without length, width, or
theatrical painted deer
glowing on your behalf
that disappear to return
to the State Park
giving out a spark
of pixilated Chase Manhattan
I Don’t Have Any Ally McBeal
So Shut Up

Santa is a woman
if she were a man,
everyone in the universe
would wake up
Christmas morning
to Santa's elves
reading Jude The Obscure!

My Reindeer Flotilla

Oh yes you will always be my reindeer flotilla two hearts two hearts that beat as one oh I know I know I found I found in you my reindeer flotilla The Hawaii State Vacation Planner Timeless reindeer flotilla My reindeer flotilla for you is endless Like an eternal light That keeps on glowing and shinning And is sweet My reindeer flotilla Welcome! Lonely Tonight My reindeer flotilla Tools Hey Guys here is finally the sequel to "Waiting For Tonight" My reindeer flotilla with you No one else will do And your eyes Your eyes your eyes They tell me how much you care Ooh yes you will always be My reindeer flotilla two hearts My Reindeer flotilla And I know that there's also something from the bottom of my heart that keeps saying to me that he's going to be MY REINDEER FLOTILLA My reindeer flotilla reindeer It is said that from time to time comedy can bring us all together make us feel closer transcending My Reindeer flotilla "My Reindeer flotilla" was the theme music for the 1981 movie My Reindeer flotilla Lionel Richie wrote the song he and Diana Ross figured out your password You can't resist yourself My reindeer flotilla--Topic: Politics You soared into my life your angelic spirit as free and beautiful as a dove and changed it forever For that you will always have my reindeer flotilla Share All my love with you No-one else will do And your eyes (your eyes your eyes) They tell me how much you care Oh yes You will always be my reindeer flotilla My Damn It To all my reindeer flotilla with you No one else will do And your eyes They tell me how much you care Oh yes You will always be My reindeer flotilla And your eyes Your eyes your eyes They tell me how much you care Ooh yes you will always be My reindeer flotilla Two hearts Two hearts that beat as one Our lives you hey yeah No one else will do And your eyes (your eyes your eyes) They tell me how much you care Oh yes You will always be My reindeer flotilla Oh yeah.

The True Meaning of Xmas

In the mid-90s, I received an email from a mysterious
character calling himself "Cosmic Jimmy."
He said he was the developer of a new family-oriented Christmas web
site that keeps the family centered around the true meaning of Christmas.
The difficulty in having a common meaning is that there are
so many. When we dolphins communicate, for instance,
the messages accrete
in these tiny fatty sacs parallel to the head. The sound

Can reverberate horribly, transmitting the special messages
we've been ordained to deliver to mankind
with a violence more often associated with alcohol abusers
and old pre-digital Roland RX 550 synthesizers.
With that said, I can tell you the true meaning of love

And friendship is the element that will become predominant
in the warm interspecies relations which, even now, can sometimes develop
between humans, dolphins and whales. Every day, somewhere
around the world, a dolphin reaches out to someone, pleading:
"Court block Bush dolphin safe label!
Court block Bush dolphin safe label!"
the high mortality rate of seven million dolphins killed since the 1950's,

Modeled by the small businesses active in your community.
Children discussing Dolphin & Whale ascension,
Holographic Knowledge, Earth Changes, True Law, True
Meaning of Namaste--
One needn't climb the slopes of Nazareth
To have sex with a dolphin....

"Sex? With a dolphin? How sick is that?"
Not to make this a "Scrooge" experience or anything,
but that dirty little dolphin
enticing the customer
to buy, buy, buy, pretending
that dolphins are virgins, here to help us understand
our true noctural drives. There might, in fact, in retrospect
be something dolphin-like
About all our collective sexual perversions:
For when the man has been laid to rest he will be

Anointed with a myrrh, according to the custom of the Horebites
who, at the postfeast of the Nativity, celebrate the ascension of the dead
to a sort of vast paradise
with the help of a personal angel
and the goddess Dolphin. It's good to see that Disney
didn't go the "PC" route with this one, obscuring the true meaning
of Christmas for some crap the whole family can enjoy.
The things we love will pass

like grass, beating is practically a given
given the traditions of Mohinder's alcohol abuse. So I gave him
this colored plastic claw that throws dolphin balls really, really far:
Moral is spank a dolphin and get
to heaven which is the true meaning to life

English 911, Poetry Workshop

This course is designed to introduce you to one of the most ignored and bewildering art forms there is out there. It is not for people with heart conditions or for people with "their own ideas about things." A lot will be expected of you because poetry writing demands our most self-serious exertions. The body is preparing itself for either flight or fight. Poetry should make your testicles light up like a jack-o-lantern.

Poetry is an indigestible form of word arrangement and cannot function as a source of fuel. Poetry helps to prevent constipation and gives a feeling of fullness, but too much poetry can reduce the uptake of vitamins and actually increase constipation if prose consumption is not increased at the same time.

Why is the need for poetry wired into our mammalian brains, like the need for jobs you can't be fired from, Quaaludes and cheap wine? Why do other mammals often write better than humans do? Since humans have been speaking, writing, and torturing each other with poetry since William Shakespeare started it all, what's the reason? What is it about poetry?

The weave of poetry is perfect. It is perfectly and harmoniously balanced. Poetry is The Law. It flows through everything that is in existence, every stone, every plant, every animal, every being every man. How can we hope to write poetry well when we haven't read any in twenty years? By giving people what they expect, that's how.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love your poetry. All you can do is be a poet who can be loved. The rest is on them. Poets are encouraged to purchase merchandise featuring their poetry. For me, poetry is not self expression, though it may be spelt regression. Poetry harvests the fact of it's own banality. It is spectacularly and excruciatingly inept, which doesn't mean it isn't famous, though it isn't, and in order to know anything about it you'll have to learn about your own powerlessness and dismay, the language of The Masai warriors and Native Indians, successful slave revolts, new ways of approaching dialectical materialism, how to instigate a nation-wide general strike, the way mountains collect social security, and how to survive in the wilderness with only a collection of Jonas Mekas movies and an obscene deck of cards.

Whatever poets see they unconsciously imitate. It comes from somewhere, perhaps sailboats or desk lamps or genuflecting to Gloria Steinem, and is a gift from our lord, God and all these great chemical substances that we've taken over the years.

The best way to write poetry is to write like you've never been hurt. Middle-aged people with an increasing distance from social reality would be mad at you if you completely ignored them. Don't take this course if you're not ready to believe that poetry is in serious trouble. True-hearted poets, even in the humblest station in life, who are energetic doers, may give an impulse to good works out of all proportion, apparently, to their actual station in society. This is especially good news for the poets' landlords and bosses.

Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful fears. The thing that distinguishes poetry from other segments is that there is no room for error. In large poetry application deployment there is usually a small army of poetic people and consultants available to help smooth out the bumps. Auden wrote, for example, that "poetry makes nothing happen: let's keep it that way." In the small poetry segment, poets tend to rely on words that cost relatively little, so the poetic payroll is not at stake.

To me, the most alarming thing about poetry is that there is a lot to choose from. Poetry's status economy depends on a knowledge-gap. Try relying on resellers you trust to find poems that are easy to install, use and, most importantly, maintain.

Poetry is the power of deflating the indefinable in terms of the unforgivable. There will be channeled readings on poetics as well as sessions in which student poetry will be summarily dismissed. Grades will be based on quality of the work, disingenuousness, commitment to Christianity, generosity of spirit, and articulation of a poetics to ride in on.

Tom Brokaw

My Dad was a proud Paratrooper. He loved being Phillipines news. An LA Teen asked help to ID a priest she says fathered her. My Dad Was a Boxer. We succeeded. My dad was a connoisseur of classical music. It was incredibly important to him. His best man was a black belt in Judo. He believed in the Judo way. He turned around, and the boys in that car hastily apologized. Did I mention that my dad was a big guy? My Dad was big. My Dad was a big union guy, back in Cape Breton in the 1940s, 50s, and 60s. He worked for such a special man. He was everything (and more) that a Christian should be. He devoted his life to Jesus and did it with pleasure. My Dad was a big man by build and had a big heart with so much love in it and in return he was loved by everyone in a coup. Of course, according to Idi Amin Dada, my Dad was a threat being a well educated Protestant from Buganda. To cut the truck driver for a local rendering business. I was an only child and my dad spoiled me terribly! On the left is a picture of his plane, it's a Spitfire. Some pilots named their planes e.g. THE OLDEST LIVING ALTAR BOY IN THE HISTORY OF "LITTLE FLOWER." I think my dad was a card shark before he became a preacher!!~lol!~ When we left that evening it was hard to believe dad was a child during The Depression in the 1930s. As you know, commodities were scarce in those days. My dad was a very good tradesman of the old school, and some of the things these old-time mechanics could do with a chisel, file and hand scrapers is almost mutli-talented in so many ways. My Dad was a huge success on the Donna Reed Show. He went to college at La Salle University in the Philippines. I was told my dad was a ladies man. He dated many girls. An iron gate. Very creepy looking. Because hindsight is clearer then my eyesight, I must be thankful that my Dad was a dead beat Dad. For had a typical pragmatic solution lived on a somewhat busy mighty Manchester United, the man who did all he could for his children would have convinced my brother that my dad was a monster. My dad never did anything to hurt anyone. My dad moved out. It's him. His laugh. His love. My Dad was a great wordsmith, but he was a greater selfish colleague. He was one of the best, our hero. Someone we loved and looked up to. My dad was a hard working man. It's all I ever knew. My Dad was a weekend Dad. He would take my older sister and me to "Buckeye Division." No radio, no heat, no interior lights. This is ridiculous. My Mom was an Australian Cattle Dog also known as a Blue Heeler. My Dad was a "rolling stone" and all we know about him was that he was very big.

Asphodel, That Greeny Fuck

You heard it Greeny fuck
    headachey Crush
        Triad Purple pulled
at the hoping traitor
    to release badgered giving
        you threw your legs!
But rest assured, folks--
    lip balm to coax an egg
        out of a brandy bottle,
or some greeny shit pennies
    using the Hash Bags,
        "I dunno its exhaust pipe,"
like Arlo Skating for GREENy
    (This fucker's going down)
        oh god ... images
last i heard greeny was
    trying to bum rich ... but thats
        a regular occurence....
oh you fucker
    ima kick your sorry
        scottish ass.

Anecdote of the Discontinued Laminate Flooring

John F. in Tennessee
Needed some discontinued laminate flooring;
They couldn't find it anywhere
& wrote to me.

I placed a call to Hal McClure
Penitentiary,
The first permanent white settlement
In Tennessee.

I placed a target at seven yards
And proceeded to try to shoot at it
While I baked pancakes
(Interpretation of the law in Tennessee).

Anecdote of the Magic Stik

I placed a 3 by 5 ad in AUTO NEWS:
"1960 Lotus Elite
fully restored & running
and parked in Tennessee."

I placed a helix on my TranSystem converter
At 16:03:22 EST
To get circular polarization
When I worked in Tennessee.

I placed a large spilt shot about 18" above the Magic Stik
rigged Texas style on Bass Pro Shop XPS 1/0,
Carolina Wide Gap hook:
Smallie Time In Tennessee.

Anecdote of the Unknown Substance

The problem came in Tennessee.
I placed a few grains
Of this unknown substance
On my tongue.

I was a 25-year-old Catholic from New York
Having sex with a 16-year-old
"Mentally defective" patient
In Tennessee.

I placed a small but biting tit clamp
On his left nipple--
The first openly gay candidate
To run for Congress in Tennessee.

Lucky Pierre Talks with the Pope

When someone Double Heimlichs Pope John Paul
Their diatribes appeal. "Thanks for saying
Those nasty words." "I am the Central Park Jogger,
A three-month suspended sentence and sex abuse crisis;
Push him back out in the hopes the tide will take him."
He stops and talks to the two bums in order.
Fed Chairman Greenspan should be so lucky.
War Noise. The American dollar at 74.86¢.
This disabled visitor felt a new strength.
"The original chapel was donated by unpublished
Scripts of talks broadcasted next to the French
Archaeologist and mystic three-way."
Snicker every time the preacher talks,
Not fat, but "husky" and hairy like a god.

I Hate Cheech

Kenneth, mars!!! and, god help us all, crawl, stagger stagger,
crawl!!!" i hate to say it, but; I HATE CHEECH in this....

How High ... new millennium? It sounded interesting the first time
I heard it. Then I remembered how much I HATE CHEECH!!! Man...

Kids Writing ... all I got you're very hot you'll get it all in a hall this
is long I hate Cheech and Chong I am happy I have no grandpappy

Joan Houlihan

I made a little mother out of mimes,
old Styx tee shirts,
and a bit of middle-aged llama futures.
I once saw Gary Chandling on TV.
That's when the troubles were too pockmarked
to be resplendent,
awash in gas, but distant enough
to keeps me coughing
and rooting for all
the animals on the farm.
Matter is every dried family that sews for a living.
They're bound to disappear: power to my feelings.
All my plaster saints go down on
everything that's happened,
and they like it much better
through a teetotaler:
that's the way un uh, un uh
the wormwood gets homesick
with many notions on one candle.
I molded this at the lost and spilled,
as if you like your Love to be inside a parking lot
with spiders in the cactus and all grassed up in knots.
It's so YOU to become as a garnish is.
The Horrible Actions(tm)
Matter takes up while spackling the interns
we call tradition.
Knife, Fork, Many Mo and Jack,
set on the mantle to be singin' to the crack?
Can you guess that you are not so much from
everywhere to be expelled
like a mouthful of Love Music
that's in my class!
It's my brand of new coat
to enjoy these pleasant burning sensations, mother said,
because another horrible infestation
watches the car sink into an off-stage swamp.
It's rocks and tree explained the whips of potatoes.
and like Nixon's womanly arts,
thoughts from a sleepy person have some weight.
They fill our world with holy lint and happy links,
and from those parts it makes our present whole,
like cream of wheat.

Something's Awful (The Internet Makes You Mental)

oh did you hear
that boy george
opened up a gay bar
in hollywood hills

no i didn't
fucking know that
and unless you want
to go there
i don't fucking care

A Crabby Toucan

I love jazz. I miss Frank. Jazz always been my firts
sound that invade my brain my rydum my soul and in the end
my heart. orang.orang.org author:
i guess. ANYWAY. i miss frank. GRR. and i miss everyone, but
mostly i miss frank. lol just kiddin i miss you ALL. okay well now im done.
Frank was a bureaucrat, but he wasn't greedy. I miss Frank, even
though we often found ourselves
on opposite sides of the regular church choir practice afterwards.
lots of singing. Am I pathetic? (Post a new comment).
She needs to steal her brother's bass and drag it and her ass
to Millinocket so we can FINALLY get this band thing started.
Did I mention I miss Frank?
I miss Frank terribly and a cry a lot, but I know that
he will continue to help us from heaven, he'll bounce back
in one day, I'm fairly sure.

After reading books about him I have concluded that Frank
would have hated what Iowa would draw more than
putting the Surgeon General's warning on cigarettes (and wasn't THAT
a dustup, boys and girls!) suppressed the sale of cigarettes. good.
I had my tooth pulled yesterday. I have been on darvstet (spl?)
all day yesterday and today. and I miss Frank.
Maybe because i miss Frank right now and it makes me feel better.
My boyfriend is in Prison for a life sentence. In a Pa Prison.
but hey, Steve, your growing on me. I'm very impressed
with your success ... you're probably scaring hubby (hehe).

Ya know, I miss Frank right now (remember him?). I also laugh
every now and then at a Friend of My Good Friend. Such men as these
who gave their Friendship distinctively.
You bet HE was and is. And now your Dad is
with you to help you along. Best advice would be to experiment
since you are not putting that baby on the moon.
Yes you will
miss him forever as he was a big
part of your life, just as I miss Frank.
It wasn't the best job in the world but it helped pay the bills.
"I am all business," says my mother at two nice, affordable apartments.
So sue me! I MISS FRANK!!! BITE ME!!! Ahem. Well then, on with the show!

knowing what to do...well thats what we talked about..and how i missed
dad...and i hate to admit this of all things...i miss frank.....long pause ...

God I miss frank so fuckin much...can we go to sleep ...
stop thinking of him. ... i miss frank crap...get over it...

This I cannot be less clear about.... But, I miss Frank. I almost can’t
say what it is I miss. It's not logical, you probably know this. Fuck! .
Simply mutha effin Jeff I miss Frank and Ghost. Those
are some breakbeat heads.
He had real potential.
He and his ability. If only he'd had a series... But enough lamenting.
Here was a guy who played wierd, complex, beautiful music. And he
was still alive (I miss Frank)! And he was coming to my town.
Hate to admit it, but I miss Frank's nastiness.
da onlii thing dat ima say ish dat I miss Frank's pizzeria[sp?]...
gOsh when wusz da last tym we hanged Owt der?

I pulled the trigger. Yes. (I miss Frank) I didn't realize I was doing it
when I did. (Murdered because of spoon) I shot him. Broke his flesh....
any further questions? Yes back there?
"Sommmmme-bodeeeee, come kiiiiiis me."
*drool* Nice. I used to work in a shop whose mascot was
a crabby toucan. I miss Frank, and, this is a wonderful drawing. ..
So say a prayer or do a dance or chant something or
somebody should hold my libido when she gets here. YEEE HAAAA!
I talked to Frank yesterday.
I miss Frank too. Sweet Frank. He was asking me about my life.

So You Think You've Discovered A Comet

"discovering" means different things
depending on whether one is a very experienced teacher
or just another ClearChannel TV station

when most pet snakes
think of themselves as Darwinians
with large primate sanctuaries
the fruits which democracy offers:

hardcore asian mouth full of cock
baseball cap embroidery
the young, ambitious, urban, latin markets
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want to reunite with a past love

Why do I really want a snake?
Is it possible for me to take in a primate?
A few things to think about when seeking a teacher
They DO make wonderful pets.

It's not like a dog biting...
you can't meditate.

You own a Russian company
you've got troubles
you want a small dog
that understands parliamentary democracy

you want a spotted dog
you want a collie
with disability insurance

you want a record deal
you want to be an arranger
after you've flown hundreds of hours in your starfighter

you want a hot little market
with plenty of Goat Business. No
thirtyoneplus beautiful ass sticking up out of the water
extreme closeup of young shellys hairless ass pussy

You're a Californian
you need some help
you've got it bad
you can't play by ear

you know about Iraq
you know Seinfeld
you know golf
you know the "Lord of the Rings"
you're a Star Wars fan
you're good at video games
YOU CAN BE PRESIDENT.

You are a good listener
you know about condoms
YOU WANT TO BREED.
You might as well get it over with.
Think about hotcakes. Start a comic.
She spread her girlfriend's pussy...

YOU KNOW ABOUT EUTHANASIA
the length of time is not important except that it is long

only amateur ass man's free ass pic's spiders
web redlyte wow. that sure is an open asshole!

you're a great pig designer
Do you need a pig, or NOT?
Photo of girl licking lips needed
Actresses Needed for One Act

You have listened to all of the stories from friends who have traveled

This page is designed to assist you in making a very important and personal decision

Aren't we lucky to be a terrier with experience matching plaids

"look, if you had, one shot; or one opportunity to seize everything you
ever wanted, in one moment would you capture it, or just let it slip, yo?"

know how the world works?

Can't be any other way.
The soundtrack to my life.

The Errors and Misconceptions of Evaluating Exceptional Talent.

you know acupuncture
YOU KNOW HARRY POTTER
YOU ARE READY FOR SEX.

The New Yorker Responds

THE NEW YORKER RESPONDS to Ryan Fitzpatrick's "Sparrow":
-----------
Hi Ryan,
I wanted to apologize for sending you a blank email earlier. I was curious as to what these poems were written for, as we've received a number of them from different email addresses and (purportedly) different authors. You can reply to me (if you like) at mweigel@newyorker.com; I am would truly be interested to know.
Thanks,
Moira Weigel (Poetry Dept. Intern)
***************************
NOTE: THE NEW YORKER SPARROW PROJECT CONTINUES! Send your "Sparrow" poem today, see below for details...

It's Almost Summer

It's almost summer. Mama Miao
is grooming the Reader.
A minute later,
she's done with the Reader.
So, Mama Miao wants her to
take his place.
Baba Miao backs off,
using this excuse:
The Effects Fat Has on Freezing Milk.
and then started throwing thawed-out bats,
at the Hela monsters growing in my thoughts

cobalt back home Halloween Penguin Summer
chillin' out in an oasis of Bad Bats...
REAL SOCIALIZING with Penguins
stuck in a hot spot but chillin'
That never happened. Just then,
I walk in and say that they've overheard
the cook telling Tai-Tai
that he has to cut off some
of The Reader's fur because it was messy.
She then asks The Reader what happened.
The Reader then tells them
and that The Reader's text
has sent The Reader
out to town to deliver a scroll
to an Adirondack Park
each the one saluting his wife
that he can groom himself.

Meanwhile, The reader delivers
the scroll to other Reader.
so the potter goes but not before stopping
to watch the other potter spin clay.
The reader feels itchy, and scratches herself.
Cat hair flutters up on the piano
Our renewal is an amusing sneezeland
Knocking on the still soft clay, splashing some
ontology on The Reader.

The reader continues home.
the cook sees The Reader in a combined
haven for the harried, providing zest, relaxation
tin ballast or just chillin out.
Comes with 2 basketballs,
2 volleyballs,
monkey-suit-brandishing
metal outsiders
and a bouquet of
delicious banality!

On the playground is where I
spent most of my days Chillin'
out maxin' relaxin the on the cobalt
Yosemite and Yellowstone fibers
Are the love seats above the napkins
where bats are playing video games?
where there are nightly shows
usually he *scoots regrets out
in gossamer robots
The Reader was kidnapped by bats,
and that those bats
ridiculed Fu-Fu, Fu-Fu gets mad and
calls on his clique. None of
these are the truth -- in an exciting manner.
The end.

2001... to be strapped to a gurney, and beaten
to death by the relatives of earthworms,
using whiffle ball bats.
Fly Fishing With Rod Smith
He’s British Yo, swearing to bring
those kidnappers some apple juice. The reader
decides that this has gone on long
enough, and admits that the Expedition
to the North Pole is dedicated Polly
wanna party/chill/swim/love
mannequin/ murkin fiesta
for Ralph Fiennes.
Bubble gum gets onto your hearses.

The reader goes out, and Dongwa and
Sheegwa asks The Reader why she
looked like that. Feeling ashamed,
The reader spins a story about being
kidnapped by the removes of clay
and cutting off the affected fur
(just like you admitted
to meeting a (Chinese) dragon.
On your family vacation
If you wish you
drops by.

In the Mainstream Aviary (1)

We've had a red-breasted nuthatch visiting
the feeders. I love hearing his soft "yank-
yank-yank" calls as he nips off suet, along
with the bushtit flock's gentle, twittering notes.

I have seen a White-Breasted Nuthatch almost
every day! ... I have never seen a Red
Breasted Nuthatch come back and recover
any of their stored seeds. It looks like

the tow rope is attached and they are waiting
for a nice high tide to yank it off, WHEE, WHEE, WHEE.
Bushtit. Bushtit (lisp) Bushtit Bushtit (tsit) Bushtit.
Violet-green Swallow, Mexican Jay, Bridled Titmouse,

Bushtit, Pygmy Nuthatch (low YANK or YAIR)
approximately one mile from the Hank and Yank homestead.

A Letter from One of Our Readers:

Ron Silliman writes:

Why do you have a photograph of a black-capped chickadee illustrating your sequence of Sparrow poems?

Dear Ron,

While you are quite correct that the bird photograph featured on Mainstream Poetry is not a sparrow, neither is it a black-capped chickadee. It is a white-breasted nuthatch. Kenn Kaufman, in his Birds of North America (Houghton Mifflin, 2000) notes that the white-breasted nuthatch is distinguished by its "All-white face and chest, set off by narrow black crown stripe" and "orange-brown lower belly," while the black-capped chickadee has a "black cap and bib, gray back, buff wash on sides." We hope this clears up any confusion.

Sincerely,

The Mainstream Poets